I’ve always wanted to be that funny girl in the room. The exuberant one that always has quick wit and a huge smile on her face. There’s something intriguing about that personality. The ability to make people laugh makes us feel good because it makes others feel good.
I wanted that for myself. I wanted to be her sooo badly. Sometimes I still do. Well, really more often than I’d like to admit. I’m still dealing with that y’all.
I can’t be that girl. It’s not in me. I am a quiet observer a good portion of the time. Every once in a while, I get a silly streak and I’m funny and people laugh and it feels good. Really good. But I’ve never quite figured out how to bring her out very often, so I don’t.
And that’s okay. Because there is often a dark side to that funny girl.
The one who craves being the center of attention. And the one who makes the biting remarks that cut to the core of another’s heart, because she doesn’t always have a filter. Those two things I don’t want.
Because I DO have a filter. Actually, sometimes I think my filter is a little overzealous, sort of like those internet filters you put on the computer for your kids. They flag everything and don’t let you go to any websites because you’ve got them set up to basically block out every little thing. That’s my brain most of the time. Except for that rare occasion where it spazzes out and something stupid comes out of my mouth. Something I will likely spend years mulling over in my mind. Anyone hearing me here? Duuuude, I just apologized to a friend for a situation that happened almost 2 years ago and she was like, um no worries, didn’t give it a second thought. Um yeah, awesomesauce because I’ve been thinking about it regularly for the last 552 days.
Being funny often comes at someone else’s expense and I’ll be honest, my mean girl tries to come out then. I have enough trouble with her in private, I surely don’t need to vomit her filth onto others. Who wants to be the target of that nonsense? So I have to reign her in and keep her under wraps. Jesus can deal with her garbage.
The world needs both of us; the funny girl and the subdued observer. We need to laugh. Like, really, really need to laugh. Everyday. Sometimes we need her bluntness. But we also need those safe people who will listen and won’t crack a joke at our expense. Some women are blessed with both traits. You lucky gal, I will just go deal with my envy monster and my hot mess of jealousy by myself. Sweet Jesus, help me.
But if you’re like me and you’re dealing with an envy monster of wanting to be THAT girl – maybe she’s not the funny one but some other trait you wish you had – let me just tell you to work on that nonsense. Don’t make me come over there and whack you with the “be yourself” stick, because I will.
It’s time to lay that envy monster to rest and get busy being YOU. And if you don’t know who you are, it’s time to start figuring it out, because the Lord put you here for a reason. You meet the needs of others. They need YOU and who you are and not some phony wannabe you. Authentic you. You with all your mess.
You with all your life experiences – you with all those bad experiences. Yes, the bad ones. Because you’ve survived the bad and come out on the other side and they need to know how you did it. They need to know they will make it because they see you did. They need to know the ins and outs. They need to understand the how of it. And if you’re pretending to be someone else, you’re robbing someone of the gift of your life experiences.
Our life experiences on this earth are to serve others. Maybe you’ve never looked at the abuse you suffered, the alcoholic parent, the broken childhood, the diseased marriage, or the bankruptcy you’ve experienced as something you can share with others. What you’ve been through is exactly what someone else needs to hear so they can be set free.
Get out there and be the authentic you that God designed for this life and time. When you open up to truthful living, God will speak through your life.
Do you struggle with being authentically you? Did anything speak specifically to your heart today? Share in the comments.
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