Lets Stop Being Fine and Start Being Real

Let's Stop Being Fine and Start Being Real melinda todd


The drug induced dream started to wear off. Reality flashed into view behind groggy eyelids.

“How are you feeling?” The nurse asked.

“I’m fine.” I squeaked out between clenched teeth.

“Well, you don’t look fine. Do you need some more pain meds?”

With scrunched face, I nodded my head. Liquid relief dripped into my veins.

You don’t need to have major knee surgery to learn that life is painful. But one lesson many of us get straight A’s in is learning how to hide our own pain. I’m on the honor roll in this area of life. Are you?

Be kind. Don’t hurt other’s feelings. Put on a smile. Be pleasant. Don’t worry, be happy.

But what happens when the feelings aren’t nice and kind? When your own feelings are hurt? When your face muscles no longer wish to force a cheesy smile they don’t feel? When life simply sucks?

Fake happy.

Unreal expectations.

It has to stop.

It. Has. To. Stop.

We need to stop waiting until the struggle is finally over to share our “testimonies” on how we got through.

We desperately need to know others are going through tough times.

Struggling with depression? Me too!

Having a rough time with your kids? Me too!

Feeling like the worst wife in the world? Me too!

Stressing over how you’re going to pay your bills this month? Me too!

Please tell me I’m not alone in the pits of life. Hold my hand and let’s get through it together. Because we need the life line of others to survive the pits even more so than the highs.

Your story is now, in the muddy parts, not at the end where you’ve cleaned up and spit polished it.

Let’s do life together in the mud. Honest. Raw. Real. Because someone needs your story. Someone else needs to not feel so alone.

Are you a faker? What holds you back from being real with the world? Share your thoughts in the comments.

PS – Since returning from Haiti, I’m not fine. I’m struggling with my purpose, direction, feeling like a failure as a mom, finances, and a bunch of other negative yuck. I don’t like to be a whiner but I could sure use some prayer.


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  1. I think the reason why I hide so much is because of past disappointment with a certain huge situation where people said they would be there & help if I ever needed it and they never did. I end up just stuffing life and not being real because I don’t want to be hurt again.

    • I completely understand that! It is so hard when others don’t follow through. Maybe we need some serious lessons on how to “be there” for others. To stop what we are doing and realize the most important thing is right in front of us. We need to focus on people instead of tasks and agendas. Hmmm a follow-up post tomorrow?

  2. As I have grown older I have realized that GOD is the biggest One, the BIGGEST! We cannot understand things like He can. It really is much simpler than we think it is. He made man and said be fruitful and multiply. You are a great success! You have done what He said to do! Be joyous!

    ps. if this does not work, try prozac!

    • 🙂 I know more often than not, when I’m really struggling it is my soul’s way of letting me know it’s starving to be filled. Only God can do that! And there are times when I just need some girlfriend time or mama time 🙂

  3. Amen, sweet sister, Amen! The body of Christ so badly needs to understand their precious role in and outside the church: to be the hands and feet of Jesus. I would be lost without those precious people ministering to me in my dark hours. Sometimes we find Jesus in His word, sometimes we find Jesus in prayer, but sometimes, we find Jesus in the eyes and faces and arms of people: those ones who love us unconditionally and hold our arms up when we become weary, like Aaron & Hur did for Moses (Ex. 17:12), and those who compassionately and tenderly feed our souls, like God physically did for Elijah (I Kings 19:5-8), and believe for us when we have lost our capacity for faith.

    I hope this song helps to encourage ALL of us to be the hands of God: “Hands of God” by Francesca Battistelli (on her “If We’re Honest” album.

    • Love that song! Love your examples, Heidi! Precious role. That is exactly it, isn’t it? We cannot do it alone – not w/o God and not w/o flesh and blood friends.

  4. Sometimes it’s just easier to say “fine” than to go into the details.
    But I learned that when you don’t share your struggles, or aren’t willing to let people help you, you deny them the opportunity to walk with you in your pain.

    One of my favorite verses is Zephaniah 3:17 –

    The LORD your God is with you, He is mighty to save.
    He will take great delight in you, He will quiet you with His love,
    He will rejoice over you with singing.

    How cool is that??? our Lord delights over us!

  5. This has been on my mind too lately. How for others to be able to love me for who I am, I really do need to let them see all parts of me – even the hurting and messy parts that I would rather hide because I would so like to be perfect. I honestly think it’s so much easier to relate to others when I know they have fears and failures just as I do. All those “negative” things I’ve seen in others have not made me think any less of them, rather I love them even better. So yes, I’m definitely with you on this one. Life – the messy, muddy parts and all – is so much easier to go through when someone else is with us.

    I have always loved 2 Corinthians 12:9, and how it speaks into this as well. It is so great to see God work in situations where I just really can’t, and how He can use my weaknesses for His glory. Grace truly is so beautiful!

    “And He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.”
    Ronja recently posted..seek Him, and He will be found

    • It is so hard but there is such a sense of relief when we share with someone that is trusted and know they will pray over us and be there for us.

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