Why You Should Keep Your Marriage Private

keep marriage private melinda toddThe most intimate human relationship we have on earth is with our spouse. My marriage is private. Is yours?

Some couples are called into ministry to use their struggles and triumphs to minister to the hearts of other couples. We are not one of them. I am a fairly open person in most areas but my marriages is an area I have learned to protect because to share our struggles would disrespect my husband and his wishes.

When we turn intimate issues in our home into a gab fest with our girlfriends, we may be doing a huge disservice to our private relationship with our husbands. Words are so powerful. When we gossip about our husbands and share their inequities, we disrespect and dishonor them. We can’t take back the image it leaves in someone else’s minds. The two of you may make up and move beyond it, but your friend may not be able to reconcile what she knows about your husband and it can damage his reputation.

If the spouse is not a believer, imagine how they might feel to find out a few or many in the church know their dark, dirty secrets. How likely will your spouse be to step foot into that building? How betrayed would your spouse feel if they knew you’d shared with others? How would you feel if the shoe were on the other foot?

Is it okay to ask for prayer? Absolutely! But do we have to share the details in order for our friends to pray? No. We can simply say, “Would you mind praying for us? We’re working through something in our marriage right now and could use God’s help in it.” No further details are needed.

All our marriages need prayer. We do. It is one of the biggest areas satan targets. He wishes to destroy families, especially if God is in the midst of a marriage. He loves to torment when there is only one believer in the home as well.

It is not easy to do, but God doesn’t call us to do the easy. Are there times I want to go to a friend and say, “AH! That man! Do you know what he did?!” Yes! And I am certain he feels the same way, regularly. But we’ve chosen together to honor one another by keeping our fights and issues between us, unless we both agree to share it.

When you are tempted to share, ask yourself a few questions. If I share this, will it damage his reputation or the way this person sees him or interacts with him? Would he be angry if he knew I shared this situation? Would I share it if he were standing beside me?

Our marriages are to be protected. We have so much power to do damage or to keep it sacred.

My husband and I have been married 17 years as of March 1, 2013. We have our struggles and our triumphs. My husband is a very private person and in order to honor him, I do my very best to keep our life between he and I. Have I missed the mark and shared when I shouldn’t have? Yep. And when I do, I want to slap my hand over my mouth because I know better. I’m thankful it doesn’t happen often and I believe it’s a God thing. He reminds me not to go there.

Whoever goes about slandering reveals secrets, but he who is trustworthy in spirit keeps a thing covered. Proverbs 11:13

Can we ask for advice for our marriages without dishonoring our spouse? Do you keep your marriage private? When is it okay to share about your problems? Please share in the comments section.




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  1. I disagree on this. My best friend and I are each others sounding board on pretty much every aspect of life. My husband doesn’t care if we talk about issues and I need a place to vent and she is my safe place. Are you going to hire a counselor every time you guys disagree cause you can’t talk to a good friend? That’s stupid.

    • I’m so glad you stopped by and read my post. As long as your husband is fine with you sharing, then it’s not an issue for you. You’ll notice in the second paragraph I stated that my husband is not okay with me sharing. So in order to respect him and our personal relationship, we have agreed as a couple not to share. If you have another arrangement that works for you and your spouse, that’s awesome! We have actually never had such a huge problem that we had to call in a counselor to help us solve it. I’m thankful we can always talk things out and come to a compromise or apologize and move forward when one of us messes up or we disagree. Each relationship is different, not stupid, and we all need to do what encourages growth and improved intimacy in our marriages. And we always need to make sure that what we are doing lines up biblically. Thank you for stopping by and sharing with us! God bless.

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