I’m so saddened to hear of Whitney Houston’s death at 48 years old. I grew up learning my first dance routine to, How Will I Know, as a little girl.
My heart breaks when I hear of a death due to addictions, having grown up with an alcoholic dad (my stepdad) and watching first hand how it ripped our family apart, and ruined his life. There is something so dark in addiction that once it captures some people, they can never escape.
I know I have addict genes from my bio father’s side. Living with an addict as a kid and having my own heart broken over it, has kept me from touching drugs (yes, they were present as well) and knowing that my bio father (who is a murderer) and his family have addiction issues.
But if I’m honest, I’m not totally in the clear when it comes to addiction. My addiction of choice is one that is more easily accepted and often ignored in the world. It’s food. When my emotions run high or low, I turn to food. When I want to celebrate, I turn to food. When we plan a family outing, I think about the food.
For years I was thin, and secretly knew I’d likely get heavy. Now my frame shows the world what my struggle is. You can no longer hide fat once you get past a certain point.
As I watch the news and see the loss of a beautiful voice that touched so many lives, I think to myself, at least my family won’t find me overdosed in a bath tub. But really, I’m slowly killing myself and they may find me unable to do things with them or worse, dead from a heart attack of some other weight related issue.
What haunts me most, is leaving a legacy of eating for the wrong reasons. Passing on my addiction to my children. Do you struggle with addiction of some sort?
My weight loss journey – which I’ve never made public before. It’s slow and I haven’t committed like I should. (Added Oct 27, 2013)
I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. Romans 7:15