Where Do We Draw The Line?

high heels Pictures, Images and PhotosYesterday, I caught a glimpse of an article written by the lovely Courtney at Women Living Well. The article was, I Was Confronted For Being Immodest. Go on over and read it so you can have an idea where this discussion stems from.

I posted it to my personal Facebook page and the discussion began. This topic left me thinking back to my article, You’re Not My Jesus. Where do we draw the line?

Do I get the discussion about being immodest. Of course. I absolutely do. I have shared here before how my husband has gotten a full on shot of someone’s breasts because they were bent over in front of him in a dress that revealed way too much. He didn’t purposely turn his head to look at what she was wearing. She was at the table across from where he was filling out paperwork and when he looked up. BAM! If only there was brain bleach for men…

As I read the article at WLW, I thought wow, Courtney is so beyond gracious because while I would have been nice on the phone, I would have been hurt and angry after that call ended. And more so after the phone call when this women never speaks or interacts with her again. This woman who phoned her had no interest in a personal relationship with her but instead in making sure she understood that she needed to tow the line. She wasn’t concerned about the heart or if the confrontation would make her not want to come to church again.

I can think of so many better ways this situation could have gone down. For example, if I had been with my husband the day he got flashed, I would have gone around the table and quietly whispered in the woman’s ear and gently said, “Hey, I just wanted to tell you when you bend over the table everyone can see straight down your dress.” Because I’d want to know myself. Not because I think she needs to follow my personal dress code for church.

Naked shoulders? Honestly, I have never given any thought to this because I rarely wear tank tops myself. When asked, my husband looked at my like I had a third eye when I asked him if naked shoulders were a turn on.

High heels? Another thing I’d never considered. They’ve always just been something that you wear with a dress in my life. Since becoming heavy, I don’t wear them often because I’m afraid of falling. So should we not be wearing heels to church because I guess, they’re too sexy?

Who makes the rules? Where does the line become drawn in the sand? And is that where our focus should be when we are with a body of believers or anyone else for that matter? Focused on outward appearances? Caring more about their clothing than the heart that made it into worship the Lord? Who maybe needs this time with Him more than we do?

I have to tell you, I don’t get it. I believe God should convict each heart. And maybe it’s me but I don’t think acquaintances should call each other out on the carpet. Maybe I’m wrong. If a friend pulled me aside and said, “Girl, your booty is showing when you bend over” I’d likely take that better and thank her for telling me.

Ladies, can we put down the judgments and focus on the important part? That we love on others. Without strings. Without our personal expectations. Without a dress code. We are called to love.

The convictions come to those who are following Christ. They do. We know it. We’ve each experienced it at some point. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. Jesus wants them. As much as He wants you, He wants them. Even if their booty is not as covered as we’d like or a little too much cleavage is showing. He wants to capture their hearts and then he starts the molding process of becoming like Him.

I know you’ve got a lot to say on this one. I think it’s an important discussion. Please adhere to the comments policy. No personal attacks will be published.

Photo credit: Fesenberg5000


  1. Hi Melinda, I appreciate you sharing your thoughts on this touchy subject and I so agree with you.

    While everyone should follow what they believe God is leading them to do, quite honestly, I couldn’t believe some of the comments on Courtney’s blog. I love your idea of simply pointing out to a friend in a non-judgmental way about their clothing (“hey, your booty is showing”) – that’s what friends do – no big deal & end of story.

    Christians get all judgmentally (is that a real word?) when we focus so much on “rules” (been there and done that).

    Thanks again for sharing. 🙂

  2. We as women have some responsibility to be respectful around men who are not our husbands. But you are right. Where do we draw the line and who makes those rules? And I’d be lost without my heels 🙂 Sorry but I’m wearing those no matter what someone else says!

  3. We can’t know if this woman really wanted her to tow the line or if she was truly concerned for her. There should be a dress code or standard at church that is acceptable. I get so angry seeing people’s buttcracks hanging out or women who leave nothing to the imagination by their tight clothing and boobs hanging out. Would you wear that if you were standing before Christ? I doubt it so why wear it to church?

    • I understand what you are saying. One thing that has occurred to me is that I don’t know that we could offend God with our bodies because he created them. He knows what we look like already, He made us exactly how HE wanted us to look. However, I do believe we have a responsibility for trying to be modest so that we don’t cause a man to sin like I have said before. Men do have a responsibility for where they allow their minds to wander.

  4. Feedback is such a gift. It is important for us all to have people in our lives who will give us the skinny in a loving, graceful, and safe manner.

    This scenario shows how much we need to have an open, honest relationship with our husbands and our Christian friends. It is so nice to have the ability to be real without the fear of offending someone. I would want someone to tell me if I tucked my dress into my undies 😉

    My mother was a wonderful Christian woman who wore heels, red lipstick, and red nail polish until the day she died at 72. I don’t wear heels every day, but when I do, I enjoy them. I want the freedom to express myself with my clothes, hair, makeup, and shoes.

    Perhaps we concentrate on building each other up instead of drawing lines? Can we be willing to give each other the kind of grace that our savior so lovingly bestows on us? I try to see my Christian friends as sisters not adversaries.

    Carrie, keep wearing those heels, sister. I have your back 😉

    • You keep wearing those heels too! I LOVE heels 🙂 I plan to wear them again one day! I agree, we have to stop seeing each other as adversaries.

  5. I tend to get angry when I hear stories of the “Modesty Police”. I think there’s an aspect of your alternative that is crucial: relationship. People have to earn the right to speak into another person’s life.

    Not to mention that modesty is 99% a cultural construct. (I wonder how much did those animal skin “aprons” that God made for Adam and Eve really cover?) 😉

    • Exactly, Natasha! And before that, they were naked! I think some of the modesty police need to go to a third world country as a missionary. They will then realize that their rules aren’t as solid as they once thought.

      • A friend of a friend tells a story about going to a country in Africa where the women were generally topless. She saw this one woman working in a field with her baby strapped to her back. The baby started crying because he/she was hungry- so the woman whips her boob over her shoulder to feed the kid.

        I imagine if some of these folks saw that they’d reconsider the (supposed) inherently sexual nature of certain body parts! 😀

        • Yes! I think because we can afford to cover up so much in America, we are part of the problem feeding this issue. I’d love to know if the men in those cultures still see breasts as sexual?

          • Well my acquaintance said that the men there generally didn’t think much of the local women going topless. It was just *whatever*. But she said it would have been considered inappropriate for a white woman and someone who was a foreigner to do the same. (I think that’s because they know North Americans consider it scandalous and so it has a different meaning.)

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