I admit, today I am worn out and feeling like a grumpapotamous. So, while I’ve started several posts for today, I’m going to sit on them. Because I know they may not be in anyone’s best interest to put them out there. It’s been an emotionally draining week, to say the least.
When I feel like this, I want to push send on “that email” or publish on “that post” or click submit on “that status update” or send on “that one text” and sometimes, I do it.
And in the moment it feels good. Right. Just. Honest.
And then it begins to feel like I just shot myself in the foot. Regret. Humiliation. Stupid. Painful.
Once it’s out there, it’s out there. We can’t take it back, unless we can click delete before anyone sees it! The damage is done and we’ve become our own worst enemy.
While I use caution when I speak out loud to others, I’m not always as careful with my fingertips and the keyboard. Can anyone relate to this? Tell me I’m not alone here!
It’s so much easier to hide behind my computer where I can’t see someone’s response. Can’t see the hurt in their eyes or the tears that may fall. Or to totally avoid their anger and frustration.
It’s just so much easier!
And so much more dangerous!
God says the tongue is wicked and starts fires. I think perhaps the tongue via the written word is even more so. It carries so much weight when written. Because not only does it leave the door open to say more than we should or would in person, it documents what we’ve done and said.
Eek! Does that make your stomach roll like it does mine?
How many times have each of us done just that? We’re frustrated with righteous indignation or grumpy with an extra dose of baditude and we allow ourselves to push the button and change things for the worst?
What do we do when we feel that inner force trying to seep out and into our words? Walk away. And pray.
Pray until.
Walk away, until.
Until you no longer feel the need to fuel that righteous indignation or shoot off that nasty text message.
PUSH
Pray
Until
Something
Happens
And that means something that glorifies God. Not until you do that something you’re going to regret and apologize for later.
If you find yourself past the ugly part; you’ve already hit the send button and the damage is done, repent. Even if you were in the “right” about the situation, you need to ask forgiveness for how you handled yourself.
We own our words and our own actions. Apologize and ask forgiveness and then leave the rest in God’s hands. You don’t control how someone else responds to the apology.
How do you deal with temptation to push send on a day when you are feeling a wee bit snarky? Share in the comments below.
Whoever keeps his mouth and his tongue keeps himself out of trouble. Proverbs 21:23
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What a great post, and what wonderful timing. It has been a hard couple of weeks, hasn’t it girl? Yeah. I so very often want to go on a huge rant, I type and type and type and then go to save and…*poof* it is gone. God doesn’t want me going on like that!
Where is the grace? How is that good for the Kingdom of Christ? It makes me feel good in the moment, lets of steam but that is why I practice on the punching bag. It is safer for everyone. I’ve deleted many more posts then I’ve published, and still had trouble for the ones I did. Not because I did something wrong but because someone decided what I said was worthy of them reacting, and sometimes badly.
I want to embody grace, I want to be ‘nice’. Confession here: NICE IS HARD! Nice is sometimes very false feeling. I shouldn’t be trying to be nice, I should be trying to be loving, to be a person who brings grace. Right now, though, I want to throw some rocks, smash some glass and go back to bed. Harumph…but I won’t…
Thanks for the great post, bless you Mel.
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Writing is so therapeutic but we don’t have to send everything we think. I write stuff when I am really frustrated and then delete it or I might print it and burn it. What ever makes me feel better w/o hitting that dreaded send button! I’m with you on going back to bed. It’s not my day…
Fantastic post. I love what you shared and can only say, amen and amen and boy can I relate. I grew up in a very opinionated family where we all said what we thought most all the time and arguing was a way of life so I have battled this my whole life. It is only in the past 5 years have really learned to apply God’s word to what I say or why I don’t say things.
As a blogger and Facebook user I have been often convicted of speaking out thoughtlessly through these fingers of mine as my ire is raised by someone’s post. I can feel my blood pressure rise as I type. I cannot count the times I have deleted a comment before hitting the post button. I didn’t used to stop like I do now but am so very thankful I am able to count the cost of what effect my words may have…not that I am perfect but I am a whole lot better than I used to be. Living in this era of causes in a culture that lauds activism and protesting it is difficult not to get caught up in it sometimes.
The verse that God used to get my attention was 1 Thessalonians 4:10-12 “Yet we urge you, brothers and sisters, to do so more and more, and to make it your ambition to lead a quiet life: You should mind your own business and work with your hands, just as we told you, so that your daily life may win the respect of outsiders and so that you will not be dependent on anybody.” It goes deep with me as I used to be involved in community activism which only fed my fleshly desire to speak my mind on matters that were not even given me to solve. It has really helped me as I know that for me this is God’s will for my life. God’s permission to step back was what I needed and has changed how I respond to things in a huge way. (His perspective versus mine)
I have learned to ask myself if whatever I feel the urge to speak up about is something God has brought to my attention or just more blather on the internet that my flesh is getting enticed to comment on. By blather I mean all those hundreds of causes and issues that people post all the time about. It makes my head spin and some days I just stay away when the opinion slingers are busy slinging their mud.
It’s amazing how nice it feels to not feel compelled to get into the middle of a controversy.
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That is such a good verse Patty and one that fits with my post on marriage and waiting on the Lord to change their heart towards Him. Such wise words in your comment! As much “fun” as a good debate can be, it really does do absolutely no good for the most part other than to make both parties look bad. If you want to win your neighbor to Christ, will you do it by yelling bible verses at them to show them how wrong their life is? Or will we win them by helping them out in a time of need, no judgments, just love. When we start to look at things this way, it sure changes our perspective! Thank you so much for all you had to say!!
The assumptive thought is I get grumpy. It’s not even my original feelings sometimes.
Sometimes, someone else ‘dumps’ their grumpy feelings on me. With two preteens contending for best drama, and my husband recovering from surgery, yeah, I have a lot of angst.
Since you’ve obviously got my attention, I agree with prayer. Lots of it. Being specific about praying, the first part is that God already knew I’d have this problem. Looking around my environment for God’s providence helps. Looking asks a different set of questions which takes the laser focus off the triggering thoughts that jumpstarted my fight or flight reaction.
Catch those pesky angst reactions quick!
The next time you watch someone lose their cool, really study them. A relative volunteered to give me and my daughters a ride to the train station. We got stuck in traffic. The time got close to the departure point ==> Road Rage==> Captive Audience. Yuck! I wondered if that was how I looked when I was very angry. A quick check at home with the mirror at my ‘angry face’ confirmed it.
[[FINE PRINT: The Teacher in Ecclesiastes was right. There is a season for every purpose under heaven. There is a place for extreme emotions like anger. If someone is physically threatening your child, deep anger is the right call. If someone consistently is breaking rules about how to interact with you, anger is the right decision. ]]
I agree, there are always times where anger is the right decision 🙂 But they do seem to be far and few between.
Much appreciated your reply. I also agree that the right moment to ‘let them have it’ is few and far between. The reason why I included the Fine Print is that women my age or older were often taught it was never right… that viewpoint has its own perils. The thought that you have a working engine to counteract relational terrorism might help you feel better about being grumpy…you may need it someday!
Great post and great responses!
There are certainly right times and right places and some things that just can’t be said. And some days it ain’t easy to keep my fingers out of the pie!
The comment about triggering and the fight or flight reaction is exactly what I wanted to shout about on facebook.. would that have been a good safe thing to do, goodness no! I went back to say what I wanted to say over and over and all that stopped me was remembering my brother’s voice on the phone. “This is your big brother talking, are you listening to me?”, he wants to be sure I am taking it slow and being safe. I should read my safety first page again.
Okay everyone out there – Take it slow and be safe!
Mel, I know exactly what you mean. As you’ve said though, usually our initial reaction isn’t the best one. It’s fine to be angry, but we aren’t to sin in it.
Sometimes it helps me to still write my thoughts, but never display them and I’ll re-read them (when I’m in a good mood) to see how I can deal with it better in the future; other times I simply throw those notes out. I also take into account that if I post something negative, it could have a bad influence on others. And in Romans 2:32 Paul says it’s bad when we do wrong, but it is even worse to encourage or influence others to do the same.
Prayer and reading the Bible helps a lot too. It brings peace and comfort.
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