R-E-S-P-E-C-T Is All I’m Asking


When words are many, sin is not absent, but he who holds his tongue is wise.
Proverbs 10:19

“My husband is an idiot!”

“Ohhhh you’ll never believe what he did this time!”

“Why would he do something so stupid?”

These are just a few of the things I’ve heard in public and at church. It makes my skin crawl. We live in such a “woman power” world anymore that this seems to be the normal and acceptable way to discuss our husbands. Can you imagine if our husbands spoke about us like that? I’d be humiliated.

More than 80% of men feel disrespected by their wives when they are in a disagreement. I’m certain that number jumps to 100% when the disagreement is taken to a public arena, where it doesn’t belong. Imagine the gossip sessions your husband could have about you and how that would make you feel.

What you say about your husband leaves a lasting impression. For one, it’s disrespectful. Two, you will go home and hopefully resolve your conflict but it may not be resolved in the mind of whom ever you shared with. They now have a negative picture of your husband in their mind that isn’t easy to erase.

So I ask you sisters to refrain from disrespecting your husband when you are feeling frustrated with him. I know it’s hard – I’ve done it too. The bottom line is, I have a great husband and I don’t want to ruin his reputation because of something private that went on between us. Just like I’d want him to respect me by not sharing my mistakes with his buddies.

Recommended reading and data from studies:
For Women Only: What You Need to Know about the Inner Lives of Men
Love & Respect: The Love She Most Desires; The Respect He Desperately Needs

However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband. Ephesians 5:33

Have you witnessed women disrespecting their husbands in public? How does it make you feel? Have you disrespected your husband in public?

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  1. Thank you for writing on this topic. I and a couple friends are wondering why Christian women have such terrible husband bashing parties all the time! How poor of an example can you be as a woman of Christ when you are always point out all the bad things your men do wrong?! Be a real woman and love your man, in private AND in public!!! Several of us quit going to our MOPS group because it got so bad!

  2. I used to be the woman who reflected her inner pain by disrespecting her husband. It’s not only disrespectful and heartbreaking, it’s unChristian and unGodly. When I woke up and realized that this behavior was poisoning my life and everyone in it, I had a choice to make — continue, or surrender my heart to God and to my husband, and then, and ONLY then, could I truly lead our relationship into peace and harmony.

    Imagine if Jesus were to talk about us this way?

    • JD – that’d be pretty awful especially since He has all the dirt on us! I’m glad you were able to realize the destructive behavior and make a change for better!

  3. The message is so needed in today’s world. The divorce rate clearly shows that marriage vows are taken lightly, as though they meant nothing more than a poetry recital. The foundation of family is crumbling for this reason, and subsequently the nation. If the foundations be destroyed…
    And the feminist movement is largely responsible for demeaning men. That and the movies and sit coms making men out to be buffoons.

    • The sit coms is one of my biggest pet peeves. Who writes this stuff and what kind of men are they hanging out with? My family is mostly male and as crazy and silly as my family gets, none of the men behave the way they are portrayed on tv. It’s disgusting and how irritating to see this as a man?

      • “It’s disgusting and how irritating to see this as a man?” It’s quite irritating. Both from seeing how real life women follow examples such as sitcoms, and how stupidly men behave in them. Real men aren’t like that.

        I have a very real ‘against’ in the thinking of today. Many men feel lost and powerless, or belittled, and don’t know who they are or are allowed to be in this world. I feel it is very harmful and not just (as in justice), in the way, not only that many wives treat their husbands, but generally how many women treat men. I know there’s been lots of bad history on the reverse side of the coin, but the pendulum has swung too far.

        I love femininity. I hate feminism (in the psuedo-modern-women-dont-need-men-sense.) I don’t have anything against true women; I do not have any time for macho women. Why should I suffer life-long because of some un-informed men who were not following God’s Word very well? It’s not just.

        We, women and men, need each other.

        Sorry about the rant. You seem like a safe person to say these things to. As a guy, I’ve found your posts interesting and encouraging. Keep them up. Keep thinking and exploring.

  4. This is a great post…I have been wanting to write about this same subject on my blog…I have many women friends who constantly bash their husbands and it just hurts me AND grates on my nerves! Some say words in a joking manner and they think that makes it okay, but it isn’t. I admit to occasionally putting my hubby down too, when I need to vent, although it is still wrong…but I try often to build him up in front of others instead of the other way around. Thank you for this insightful post!! 🙂

  5. I’m so sick of hearing women whine about their husbands. It’s so inappropriate but even more so in church. If you treat him like an idiot, he will act like an idiot.

  6. What a great post ( found it through the women living well blog link up). It’s certainly something we women battle with – but as with everything it’s a habit, so it’s best to try & break it if you are finding this something you battle with. One thing my Mum told me before I was married was “only complain about your husband to God & the four walls”. I’ve always tried to keep this in mind (although it’s very difficult at times).
    Hope you have a wonderful day

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