Dear Mel is an old column. No longer accepting submissions.
My friend just confessed to me that she’s been having an affair with someone at work. I’m so sad for her family. She’s a Christian and to be really honest, I’m pissed at her. I’ve kept my feelings to myself but I don’t know what to say to her. I can’t see her at church and pretend everything’s okay. She said she’s torn between her husband and this other man. I’d appreciate any ideas on what to say to her!
Dear Concerned Friend:
That’s a doozie of a situation for you all. I can only imagine how hard this is on you. You know my first piece of advice is always to pray about this situation and your words. Second, and I apologize if you already know this, but I feel it has to be said. Do not tell anyone else. I’ll explain more later.
Since this is a really delicate and potentially explosive situation, I would advise getting together with your friend again, very soon. Pray for wisdom and discernment. If she is struggling with which man to choose, it means she still cares for her husband. That’s a good starting off point. You need to lay it on the line for her but you can do so by still being her friend and loving her.
Nancy DeMoss in her book, Lies Women Believe and the Truth That Sets Them Free, gives a great analysis when we see someone in sin and what to do. If we saw someone’s house was on fire and lives were at risk, we’d do more than bang on their door to save their lives. Your friend’s got a fire in her life. One that is going to damage many lives. While I’m not normally a blunt person, this isn’t a time to mince words. Tell her you love her but you can’t sit by and let her house burn down.
Ask her to meet with your pastor for counseling. The pastor should be able to give her wise counsel. You might go with her to encourage her to do it and to give her some support. It would be scary and hard to go to the pastor over something like this.
I’m going to let my readers chime in on further advice. Someone else is likely better suited to advise here.
Please leave your advice in the comments below.