Judging – The Duggars

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“Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you. Matthew 7:1-2

We are experts at judging, aren’t we? Ever since the Duggars hit the television, the judging of their family has been atrocious. Mention the Duggars and you can guarantee a debate and ugly things being said about their family.

And to be honest, I simply don’t get it.

There family is large, that makes them unusual. Got it. But the disgust they attract from others? Don’t get that.

They are completely debt free and were before they became reality tv “stars”. How many can say that? Debt free with 19 children? What does that really say about them?

We’re not paying for their children. They are not on welfare or any other assistance. Instead, they are wise with their money. Genius, really. If you can raise that many children without debt, you’re smart.

Their children are required to help out. This is how families used to be. We seem to have moved away from this in the past few generations. It’s more common now that children are handed more than they need, given a cellphone and a car without having to work for them and then boomerang back as young adults because they are not prepared for the real world. This family is raising children who can take care of themselves. They know how to do necessary chores to survive.

They believe their children are a gift and a blessing. They are raising Christ followers and a small army of them at that. Hallelujah!

And they are happy. Of course it could be for show but they appear to be a genuinely happy family. Their friends attest to this. I think I’d enjoy being friends with Michelle. I bet she could teach us a lot.

What gets my goat the most, is the recent comments that I keep seeing about the loss of their 20th child. A baby girl named Jubilee. She lost a child and some feel the need to be down and dirty, ugly. Some of the most hateful things I’ve ever read. I hope that this family doesn’t read them. Because to say something cruel and hateful over the loss of someone’s child, is sick. There is something very wrong at the core of a human being who spews hate to a mother who has lost a child. I pray something changes their hearts.

When we go about judging their family because we don’t agree with it or don’t understand it, perhaps we should take a step back and evaluate how we might feel if someone said those sorts of things about our own family. Do your hackles go up just imagining it? Mine sure do.

We could talk about them putting their family in the lime light. I’m not sure I would do that myself but it’s really none of my business. The public poses a great risk of abusing their children because of the negative nature of some. Have they thrown their pearls to the pigs as Matthew 7 goes onto describe? I don’t believe so and only time will tell. Again, it’s not my place to decide that for them.

If their lifestyle outrages you, maybe, just maybe, you should turn away when their story pops up. There are children being abused, beaten, and sold into sex trafficking every day right here in the USA. Fight for those kids. Turn your anger toward something beneficial and constructive.

Above all, have a heart. We all have things in our lives that we don’t want to be judged for. Our family is at the very top of that list. Let’s grant the very same grace to this family that we would desire for our own. And never, ever under any circumstances be ugly about the loss of someone’s child.

So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets. Matthew 7:12

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  1. I don’t think they’ve thrown their pearls before swine, rather some of their seed they’ve planted has fallen among rocky soil. I for one was changed when I watched the first TLC special. I couldn’t believe anyone would actually Trust God with the size of their family. God really challenged me through watching the initial TV special and subsequent episodes. It is very much due to their ministry that my husband and I have the children we do today. Had it not been for their testimony we probably would have bought into the wait 5 years to have kids then space them out at least 3 years apart rule, and for heaven’s sake don’t have more than 2! But we didn’t, I truly believe their TV series is bearing much fruit, even if it is offensive to those of the world.
    KM Logan recently posted..Why I Love Being a Mom

    • Totally agree! I think they have positively impacted Christian families everywhere and maybe even some who aren’t believers!

  2. While I can’t personally imagine having nineteen children (I’m the mom of an only child, and I’ve been judged for that, too), it really hasn’t been that long ago that large families were common. My mom was one of 9, my dad was one of 7, and I know many families in this farming ranching area had large families of 20-22 children. And I agree, we should never under any circumstances be mean and ugly about the death or miscarriage of a child.
    Kelley Pounds recently posted..My Rio Rewards Certification Adventure

  3. I love the Duggars, I feel like I have learned so much from them, especially when it come to having patience with my children. I have littrally thought a few times, “What would Michelle Duggar do?” LOL

    I know people think I’m crazy for wanting 6 kids, you woulnt believe haw many people asked me after my son was born, “oh you’ve got your girl and your boy, thats it right?” I dont personally comprehend that thought process, but I think thats how the majority of the U.S. thinks…… I think this country’s mindset is way out of whack when it comes to children and family.

    • Totally agree. In fact, after I wrote this, my husband texted me that a bunch of guys at his work were giving him a very hard time for having four kids!

  4. I don’t see why this should be an offense to some people as long as they’re able to provide for their family and bring the children up “in the way [they] should go.” I guess those who are offended are those who do not know what God said in Genesis 1:28:
    “Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it. Rule over the fish in the sea and the birds in the sky and over every living creature that moves on the ground.”
    Michael Asante recently posted..Responsibility Towards the New Believer and the Backslider

  5. I totally agree. People act disgusted because they don’t understand it but the Duggars have a great message to share. It reminds me of the treatment I’ve taken due to the fact that we don’t include Santa. When people don’t agree or understand, they can be really disrespectful.
    Jennifer Travis recently posted..No More Pretending

    • Oh I get that response too because we don’t do Santa. We still have a ton of fun at Christmas! Our focus is just different.

  6. The Duggars treasure their faith and their children, it shows that their hearts and treasure are in the same place. No one should be judged for being caring, capable parents. We have become such a society of the ‘blame game’ that taking responsibility for our own actions, thoughts and words is almost foreign. When someone does well there is an urge by the media and public to pull them down, to show their faults. When someone fails there is an urge to show even more failure and ugly. We need more good news, more celebration and more community. If we had that we could be showering Michelle and her family with love and compassion, and remembering all the lost babes. Instead it is easier for people, even those who wear the label Christian, to judge and condemn. Makes me so sad for her, and for those people who think and live so small that they miss the glory, grace and blessings of God in their lives. I seldom tell people I’ve miscarried, it was denied even by my family, and I have one child which the medical community said I would never have. Miracle boy whom I cherish. The ones I lost waiting in heaven.

    Great post Mel. You touched me deeply with your love and compassion. I pray that someone shares it with Michelle so she knows there are many hearts and lots of prayers for her family.
    Shanyn recently posted..Love Colored Glasses

  7. Kelley is very true when she says she is judged for only having one child. We want a large family but thus far have only been blessed with one miracle and at the church we used to attend, the normal family size was at least 4. I personally think large families are very blessed and lucky. There are so many other reality shows that are hurting their families by being on the air, but I have never heard of anything negative about the Duggars except for people’s disgust with their family size. Thank you for writing an article pointing out what should really be valued. My heart goes out to the Duggar family for their loss.

  8. Wow — it’s about time somebody wrote something kind about and in defense of the Duggars. I couldn’t have said it better myself. People at work — and at church (a real shocker there, yes?) — have made fun of me and my daughter because we not only watch the show, but because we like the family. I do not think they’re weird or cultish or any of the other ugly, mean-spirited descriptions I’ve heard. I too think it would be so much fun to be friends with Michelle Duggar. Yes, the things she could teach us!

    I was sickened by all the hurtful, hate-filled, heartless comments I read on Yahoo about the loss of Jubilee Shalom. One person actually questioned how Michelle could POSSIBLY really, truly love ‘all those kids.’ So sad. This woman is not a baby making machine, nor is she a cat with a litter of kittens. From what I’ve gleaned from watching her all these years, she’s a warm, loving, kind and gentle woman who loves her family and who loves God.

    It would seem that our society would much rather breathlessly follow, applaud and ‘ooo and ahhhh’ over every micro detail of the Kardashians’ lifestyle, then a simple, happy, drama-less, God loving family like the Duggars.

    Thanks for posting this, Melinda!
    Pam Manners recently posted..The Struggle

    • Amen Pam! Totally agree. They’d rather watch trash. Or worse yet, Jersey Shores. But obviously, folks are fans of the Duggars or they wouldn’t have taken their special years ago and made it a series. And yes, the negative comments at church amaze me too. Esp since we went to a church that had LARGE families, I think one friend just had baby #12. People like to complain.

  9. Oh, I just could not agree more! I am amazed at this family and I don’t give a hoot what anyone else has to say about them. I could certainly learn a lot from them! I think there are so many self-centered, disgustingly blatantly , outright offensive programs and people out there- really – who live to offend, and then you have a healthy (by any standards) , happy , normal (by any standards) but LARGE family and all the world is a critic. Poo on them all. God believes in this family and knows they shine for Him. Let’s pray that they will continue to love Him and one another in the beautiful way they do in this season of their lives. I am sure they will still teach us a thing or two…God Bless the Duggars!
    Dawn recently posted..The Battle Between My Ears

    • So totally agree. She could be a women’s speaker on motherhood! And who would be the best teacher of being a mother than someone who is the mom of 19 – and actually if this is their second loss, this was baby #21.

  10. They appear to be the perfect example of what God wants from human beings, according to what I have read in the Bible.

  11. I started watching their show about a month ago, and I have to say AMEN to your post…how can you not love this family…do I want 19 kids no, I have 5 that keep me busy. But they are the closest family with TRUE Godly values. If this world was more like them we would not have all the kids in schools in broken homes and feeling lost and unloved..to sit and judge people whom love their children like they are suppose to be loved and provide for them the way they do, is wrong.
    Sherry French recently posted..Power in a Word.

  12. Thank you for your words. I simply do not get it either.

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