I Do NOT Have It All Together

I DON'T Have It All Together
I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. Romans 7:15

Imperfect mom, wife, daughter of the King?  Yep, that’s me (waves both hands in the air frantically like a crazy person).  Honestly, I sometimes think I could be like the human version of all the LOL cat photos with the word FAIL attached to them.

You see, today I royally embarrassed myself and well, it won’t be the last.  We were getting ready for company and one of our naughty cats who is no longer allowed in the house, was battling with me to get IN and I was trying to get OUT the back sliding door with something in my arms (see I don’t even remember what I was carrying).  The cat won and I let the swear words fly.  Oh yes, the sailors would have been proud.  Then I chased his orange butt through my house until he ran under one of the beds.  Grrr...

I stomped out of the house and slammed the door.  As luck would have it, my eyes caught a glimpse through the fence slots of something red on the porch next door.  Yep, one of our neighbors rocking in her chair on the back porch.  Nnnniiiiiccccceeeee.……..

So just so you all know, I’m not perfect. I don’t have it all together.  There are weeds in my flower beds, toys under the couch, crumbs in the kitchen, a nice protective layer of dust on my furniture, and clean unfolded laundry covering my bed (which gets thrown on the floor or into laundry baskets at bedtime).  My mouth gets me in trouble.  I hate it.  I should probably wash my own mouth out with soap.  Maybe that would help?

It drives me bonkers.  I hate hearing those words come out but they do.  I remember when I started swearing around third grade.  It made me feel powerful and grown-up.  Now it just makes me feel like a total idiot. I mean good Christians don’t have a potty mouth.  Do they? Probably not.  I wonder how many of you are going to read this article and be totally disgusted with me?

Here’s the thing.  I don’t talk like this all the time or around my church friends.  I could have something really awful happen around them and I bet I could control my tongue.  So why is it that at home they just naturally spew out?

Can’t you just imagine the neighbors asking me what I do?  “Oh I write a Christian website.”  I can hear their inner thoughts, can’t you?  Yeah, great witness.

So what do we do?  I’ve prayed about it.  You can pray for me too (thanks I know I don’t even have to ask some of you).  Do you have something in your life that just makes you want to slap your own face? It’s so frustrating.  Our flesh just seems to want to sin.  I’d like to beat it into submission but so far that doesn’t seem to be effective and people stare when I do (totally joking).

I so wish more Christians would be a little more honest with their struggles.  It might really help those of us who are constantly having an inner boxing match with ourselves to know that you also have a hard time with certain things.

I know, we all like to paint on our fancy cover-up, add a little blush, and plaster on the sparkly happy lipstick but really, who are we fooling?  Does it do you any good to think that everyone else at church has it all figured out except you?  Because I will tell you, it doesn’t help me.  It just gives me more ammo for my boxing match with myself.

So, come on over to my house and have some coffee, if there’s any left, we may have to drink kool-aid 😉  Just don’t look under the couch cushions or inspect for dust.  If you do have it all figured out, could you come by and show me how to do it?

What do you think?  Do we do a disservice to our fellow brothers and sisters in Christ by putting on the perfect mask each Sunday?  Do you have an inner battle going on with something?

PS – Part of why I write this blog is to show others they don’t have to pretend to be perfect. I’m not. I won’t pretend to be here.

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updated 10/2/2013


  1. Thanks for this blog topic…I SO struggle with this too, as you KNOW cause I was at your house just lastnight! I think we DO need to be honest with ourselves,and do an “alignment” check with the Cross! I will pray for you and you can pray for me. And now I feel bad for the “cobweb on the stars” observation,SO when you come to my house…I feel that I HAVE to show you my “Mount Everest laundry pile” (clean laundry) 😉

    • Haha! Well at least you know I’m not perfect 🙂 Our mess is what bonds us together 🙂

  2. LOVED THIS!!!!! You are so right on!!!!!

  3. Oh, Mel… you have me cracking up! Your house sounds JUST like mine 🙂 You brought to memory the first time I said a swear word as a kid, it was a mixed emotion of shame, fear and freedom all at the same time. From there I became an expert with those words. Lovely, I know. I became a Christian as an adult and I didn’t know what to do first, but I knew cussing and drinking were on the list to go. Cussing went pretty quick (for me) and drinking took A LOT longer! So, I don’t struggle with cussing, BUT, don’t let that discourage you, because I have my own things and there are many! Gluttony is a big one. And, my tongue isn’t off the topic… I get angry and speak before I think WAY more than I should, especially with my husband! We are work in progress and in the words of Brandon Heath… “He’s not finished with me yet” Praise Jesus for that! I find myself praying a simple prayer everyday and usually it’s in relation to my children… “Lord, please cover my mistakes!” Just say it and move on because we don’t need to worry about what anybody thinks about those mistakes, only what He will do with them 🙂 Blessings sweet friend!

    • Awwe you always have the sweetest things to say! I’m so glad others have come forward and shared today. A little transparency can really help others feel a little more normal and a lot less stupid. Gluttony. Yeah, feel your pain there. 🙁 Working on it.

  4. ha.. I bet if you just let out a cuss word from time to time at church, you would see how many others do the same thing at home. No one likes to admit it though. I think that’s part of the problem and maybe why so many Christians don’t know how to relate to each other, because they put their best foot forward and refuse to be themselves. I loved what you put on your facebook page about Dr. Scholl’s needing to make mouthwash. haha love your transparency! Just be you!

    • LOL! Funny, I know which friends swear and which don’t 🙂 I sometimes think maybe one Sunday should be a transparency day to share what we’re struggling with so we can all see that others are just like us. So I just do it here. I don’t want folks thinking I’m perfect and have no struggles, though I think maybe I’ve gone beyond proving that 🙂


  5. OH Melinda!!! I loved this so much! You see everyone else really is perfect right lol. I so have the same problem! Wirty Dords (as my sister calls them) crumbs dust laundry….. Thank you for being so encouraging brings to mind the song I learned as a kid. “He’s still workin on me…took Him just a week to make the moon and the stars sun and the earth and Jupiter and Mars…” Thankfully, He’s still working on us!

  6. Ahhh. your statements made me think of a few of my favorite songs from Sara Groves.

    Check them out:



    None of us are perfect. That’s why we need HIS forgiveness AND other Christians to build us up yet still hold us accountable. Struggling with daily Bible reading and everyday family frustrations (toddler), pray for me 🙂

  7. Colette Lawson- Nichols

    Hey ladies at least your laundry is clean.

    • Not always 🙂 LOL! Of course, once I throw it on the floor, it’s not as clean as it was 🙂

  8. Yes, I love this entry! Awesome!

  9. MyBluePeacock3333

    Mel….I struggle with this also, and this article was EXACTLY what I needed! You made me smile and giggle, Thanks for being so real and HONEST!

    I blogged about it this morning…http://mybluepeacock.blogspot.com/2011/04/potty-mouth.html

  10. Wow, excellent post! I do think it’s a huge disservice to put on a mask in front of our fellow Christians! Not one of us is perfect, and when we put on a mask, we’re all trying to be like someone else who is also hiding behind a mask. Eventually, flaws start to show, and we realize we’re all the same with so many different struggles and imperfections. It’s great to see a Christian author being real. There is no reason for us to try to pretend our houses or lives are perfect, because real people aren’t perfect! Thanks for a great article. I can really relate to it! I’m far from perfect, and I’m realizing more and more that so are most other Christians. No need for us to hide behind a mask, just work on the areas we need to and be real! 🙂

  11. If I remember correctly, it was Paul who instructed us to confess our sins to each other and pray for each other that we might be healed. That says it all to me. I am a baby in this walk, but by no means new to the knowledge. It only serves to confuse when we hide our faults from one another, not to mention…think of all the intercessors you acquire when you are honest with others in speaking about yourself!! I think what we must be careful to avoid is passing judgement on those who are seeking your prayer help, advice, etc. WE ALL HAVE SINNED AND FALL SHORT OF THE GLORY OF GOD!!!

  12. Oh sister i know just what you are talking about. I know there are many times when the stress of life gets the best of me. You are so right that chrisitans need to stop acting all perfect when we all have our flaws. The more people who talk of these flaws can help those who struggle in silence. Great post.

  13. Thank you for showing us that perfection is overrated! As women, we need to be released from the prison of perfection! God doesn’t want us perfect, He wants us in process. Amen?

  14. Thank you .. I have days like that myelf and you dnt know how much better i feel knowing i’m not the only one lol

  15. I am SOOO glad I’m not the only one who has a problem with a human side that demands to be heard – embarrassing as it may be at times. It doesn’t make it ok, but at least we recognize it as a part of us that needs work 🙂 Blessings to you!

  16. Oh, Mel, what a breathe of fresh air! I laughed out loud because it sounds just like my house! Trying to appear perfect and all together is SO life-draining, and I have been doing it for so long sometimes I forget that Jesus doesn’t expect me to be. Being transparent gets me into difficulty with the Pharisees in my own life, but I think it also allows others to find comfort and acceptance.

    Keep up the great work, girlfriend! Wish I lived close enough to make it to your house too. 🙂

    • LOL Judi, me too! It’s nice when I hang with friends who are just real because the fake ones are draining.

  17. GIRL!! you just summed up the sole intent of my entire blog!!

    what a GIFT you just offered to all who come here — the freedom to be HUMAN!!

    we ABSOLUTELY do a disservice to our fellow brothers and sisters in Christ by putting on the perfect mask each Sunday! (i figured i better capitalize LOTS of words just in case you miss how passionate i am about this, LOL.) 😉

    but truly, we misplace value & identity right & left. we buy into the lie that what matters is what we do, not who we are. better yet, who CHRIST is! and we forget that we have immense value because of the glory that was placed IN us the moment we were created in God’s image (regardless of what comes OUT of us – the good, the bad, & the oh-so-very ugly of me). i am ever, EVER grateful that there isn’t anything that I can do to add to my value — or take away from it. but sure enough, too often i step back into the performance arena when I forget that in Christ, I am fully loved, accepted, & rejoiced over. No ifs, ands, buts, or pretenses of having it all together. so we all DESPERATELY need those reminders — all. the. TIME!

    standing ovation, melinda!!
    i’m so encouraged by the message of freedom you’re offering all those who come here!

    a fellow blogger who SO doesn’t have it all together, either,
    tanya @ truthinweakness recently posted..Getting Rid of the Lines

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