I know for many of us childhood heartbreak haunts many of our memories and leaves us wondering if we’ll ever be able to forgive or move beyond it. So much happens to us in those precious vulnerable years and sadly, not all of it is happy go-lucky fun.
As God sifts the impurities in my heart, new yuck comes to the surface and requires attention. I’ve grabbed the shovel and covered them back up but it’s useless to fight God. What He says goes.
I still have crap surfacing. While I know it’s good for me to get it out and move on, I don’t always want to deal with it.
One of my biggest ones that leaks into everything is control. I grew up in the house of do as I say, period. You respect adults and do what they say, no matter what. I had to ask permission to do anything and everything. I understand now why my mom was like that but at the time, all I could think about was moving out of her house and not allowing anyone else to ever control me. I currently have crazy dreams about my mom telling me what to do over insane circumstances and the two of us getting into screaming matches over it.
To this day, if someone tells me I have to do something a certain way, my chest tightens and I think, you can’t make me. Childish? Yes. Definitely. Kinda embarrassing to admit.
So one of the things I wrote down yesterday was forgiving over being controlled. I’ve prayed over the situation and will continue to do so.
My next step will be to journal about it. One of my favorite things to do to work through my issues is to write about them. Whether it’s writing a letter to the individual I’m harboring ugly feelings towards or to just write about how it’s affecting my life and how I feel about that. I have written letters to God as well.
There is a release that takes place when we confront the ugliness in our hearts and finally give it an honest voice, even if it’s only on paper. I let it all out. There’s no sugar coating in journaling. It should be honest and raw. No edits, no spell check, no caution in word choice, no rules.
Can you guess what today’s assignment is? Journaling. I don’t care how you do it, just sit down and start writing. Write a letter. Scribble feelings. Draw a picture. What ever it takes for you to start addressing the issue of unforgiveness. Don’t overwhelm yourself and try to journal for every issue, pick one that is really hovering over you and tackle that one today.
I like to have a small journal for one issue while I work through it. It’s really amazing to see how God changes my heart over a period of time with that one issue and answers my prayer for healing. Someday you might want to look back at the entire journey and journaling in one little booklet will allow you this rare opportunity to see your spiritual growth.
If you are taking this journey with me, leave a comment! I’d love to hear how God’s working in your life.
Therefore, if you extract the precious from the worthless you will become My spokesman. Jeremiah 15:19
And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving each other, just as God also in Christ forgave you. Ephesians 4:32
Are you willing to start extracting the precious from the worthless?
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