Filtered Hearing


Mirroring is a popular tool in psychology. You look at someone (often a spouse) while they speak and then respond with something like, “I hear you saying xyz.”

More than likely, we don’t use this in normal everyday conversation. I wonder how much our world would change if we did.

I hear through a filter. An unhealthy filter.

Someone says, “You are not allowed to do xyz.”

I hear, “I’m the boss of you and you will do what I say.” My hackles go up when no explanation is given/apparent or the demand is over the top and stomps on my toes.

Someone says,”Why would you do that?”

I may hear, “You’re so stupid.”

You get the picture. My insecurities bleed into my ears and often transform the words spoken by another. Not always in a truthful way. My own ears and thoughts deceive me.

Do yours?

Why are we afraid to ask someone for clarity? – I do realize this doesn’t apply to everyone. Some of you have no issues with this.

What keeps us for asking for more information? It’s okay to say, “Can you explain why that is to me?” or “What happened to make that rule come about?” or “What are the reasons behind this situation?”

We need to be aware of our words and how they come across to others and how we filter what we hear. Knowing that you are filtering what others say through insecurities for example, can help you evaluate if you are taking what’s being said personally when you shouldn’t.

We filter differently during times of stress, grief, excitement, and through our own personal perceptions. We are responsible for our own words but also, sometimes for how we take things in.

Do you have a filter on your ears? How are you filtering?

My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry,  because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires. James 1:19-20

One Comment

  1. Great post Mel! We all have filtres, even if we don’t recognize them.

    Another filter that is worth talking about is the one we use when someone does ask us to clarify – do we feel defensive, do we fear we said something wrong or do we get angry because they didn’t get it (and us and the whole downward spiral)? Listening and hearing go together, very closely.

    Having lived this today in an argument and following discussions with my dear husband I know it well and I’m so blessed to have read your post!
    Shanyn recently posted..Heart’s overflow

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