Eliminating the Drama Queen/King

Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.
James 1:2-4

Many months ago I received  a comment on my blog that had to do with the fact that I write in a way that can’t be argued with (it had to do with the sexual abuse topic) and that my comments policy doesn’t allow it here. My first thought was, why do you need to argue about things all the time? How does that show your light to the world if you are combative and always ready for a battle of words?

I would soon come to find out that this individual thrived on arguing and controversy. They wrote in a way to antagonize other “fellow” believers into debating and arguing. I imagined this person as the roaring lion looking for whom they could devour. That kind of constant confrontation is not for me.

We all know someone like this. That person that always wants to debate everything. They bring up subjects to prove that they are right and are often not enjoyable to be around. And they are almost always upset with someone else for “doing them wrong”. The drama queen/king rarely, if ever, takes responsibility for their actions or sees clearly how their interactions with others are the cause for their own unhappiness.

So how are we to deal with them?

That depends on how much of it you can tolerate. Have you reached the point of not being able to handle it any more? Or is there a point where you can say something to the individual?

If you’re not to the point of cutting off the relationship, you can try sitting down with them and explain how you feel about the constant confrontations and arguing. If it’s adding stress and anxiety to your life, be honest and tell them. Be sure to express how much you love and care for them but their behavior makes it hard to want to be around them.

Always go into a situation like this with prayer. Ask for guidance and the right words. Prepare for how the conversation may go, both good and bad. What is the worst case scenario and the best?

A strong strand throughout the bible stresses that you are to give to needs and put limits on sin. ~ Boundaries by Dr Henry Cloud and Dr John Townsend

It is very hard to confront someone, especially someone you love. Don’t go into it lightly. A decision has to be made. Is the relationship causing upset in your life constantly? If so, it needs to be dealt with.

If the discussion doesn’t go well, you may need to say something like, “I’m sorry you feel this way but in order for me to live a happy life, I need to distance myself from this relationship for a while.” Sometimes, we have to cut those people from our lives completely in order to be healthy. It’s not fun but it is a healthy boundary.

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

 Do you struggle with a drama queen/king in your life? What have you done to keep healthy boundaries with them?


  1. This is definitely a struggle for me. I’ve cut a few family members out of my life for this and of course, I was the bad guy. They just can’t seem to see how destructive their behavior is to those around them. When they are always fighting in the family and causing drama, I don’t get how they can’t see that they are the ones who have the problem. I feel bad but it sure makes life easier to not have to deal with it anymore. I confronted a friend once who was like this. She actually went and got some counseling and worked on herself. We have a great friendship now but she says if I’d never said anything to her, she may not have ever sought the help she really needed. Great series mel! Important subject.

    • Beth, I have had to do the same and while it’s painful, it really is better to be healthy than to continue to deal with it. Sometimes there comes a point where we say, enough is enough. Thanks for sharing your story about your friend! What a blessing 🙂

  2. I just try to limit being near them…it works for me for now. 😉

  3. I try to stay away from those who create drama! And when I can’t, I just smile and nod…

  4. Lost and Found Lady

    Just one thought: The definition of one person fighting is a tantrum.

  5. Believe it or not, Mel, your posts this week are the words to MY very situation. I honestly had been praying desperately for God to intervene because my family’s been devastated by an oppressive spirit brought about by some relatives currently staying with us! Our situation is so much like what Beth described above. They really can’t see how destructive their behaviors are to those around them. I’m just glad we have a great God who listens to our desperate pleas because He’s intervening at this point by allowing my family to regain our space and peace.
    Cookie recently posted..Jonah, Get Off My Boat!

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