I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. Romans 7:15
I long to sin. Do you ever feel that way? Let me explain. I’ve got a lot on my plate right now and someone just threw me some disgusting garbage to deal with. You know the kind where you think, why on earth would anyone think that is okay? Seriously.
With all of that nonsense going on, I am in the process of switching meds which is really reeking havoc on me. It’s not pretty. I find myself feeling angry and having a RAWR kind of attitude. Everything irritates me and I focus on the negative. That’s never good.
I want to update my Facebook page with, “I hate…” repeatedly. There’s a lot I’m not a fan of right now 🙂 Or driving down the road, I find myself yelling, “Get off the road bozo!” Yeah, don’t drive around me right now. I want to take my frustration, hurt, and anger out on someone or something. I desire to write what’s going on here or on Facebook because I know everyone will agree with me but I can’t and I won’t.
Some would tell me that I have sinned because I thought it. Others would say I have not sinned because I didn’t act on it. Well, I have called people bozos! I have repented for my thoughts and feelings and asked for release from them. I know it will come but I am waiting on the Lord for that peace. PLEASE!
So what’s a girl to do? I repeat my bible verses over and over and over again until that feeling lifts for the moment. I don’t want to be one of those negative people on Facebook because I don’t enjoy reading those people’s posts myself (although I am not immune to having done this). Nastiness breeds more nastiness and who needs that? I’ve also been blasting my favorite Christian music on my laptop. And of course, I have asked for prayer.
I want to be an encourager which means I try to put thought into what I write. I’ve learned the hard way about writing something online that I later regret. The internet never forgets and neither have I. But even us encouragers need some support and encouragement, so here I am. Laying what I can on the line. Coveting your prayers because I can’t do this without being bathed in prayer.