I have a friend who has become really possessive of me. She calls 5 or more times per day and texts me up to 100x a day. If I don’t answer my phone, she often shows up at my doorstep. It’s driving me crazy. She wants to do everything together all the time. If she finds out I’ve spent an afternoon with another friend, she gets really upset and basically pouts because she wasn’t included. How do I tell her to back off? I’m not even sure if I want to be friends with her anymore. Help!
~ Drowning In Friendship ~
Dear Drowning In Friendship:
That is a hard situation. My first suggestion would to sit her down and tell her that you need a break from your friendship for a while and explain how you are feeling. Try to be gentle and non-accusatory but be honest. Maybe she has no idea that she’s being this clingy and possessive. I wonder if she’s shared about past friendships and how they’ve ended with her? Maybe no one has ever told her that her behavior is hard to handle? Perhaps setting up some solid boundaries with her would help. You could say, “I love our chats but I need you to limit your calls to 3x a week and only a few texts per day.”
There are those people out there that won’t take your no for an answer. I’ve had this happen to me twice. I had to just completely ignore them after I told them I needed some space because they wouldn’t listen. It may not be possible for you to maintain a friendship if she refuses to respect your boundaries. While it may not be easy to do, you may just have to flat out tell her that the friendship isn’t working for you and you two need to go your separate ways. Which ever choice you make, you are doing it out of love for her because this behavior is unhealthy for you both. Before you go into a chat with her, pray fervently for wisdom and guidance.
* What advice would you give Drowning In Friendship? Have you had to deal with a similar situation? What did you do and how did it turn out? *
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