Dear Mel Vol6

Dear Mel:
Our pastor has been preaching on submission lately. I want to be a submissive wife but my husband has NO desire to lead in the home. I try to ask him what he would like me to do in different situations so I can choose what he’d like but he just tells me that he knows I’ll make the right choice or what ever I decide will be fine with him. How can I be a submissive wife if my husband refuses to take charge of any part of our life or home?
~ Longing for Submission ~

Dear Longing For Submission:
I understand your sense of frustration but maybe I can give you another take on what is going on in your home. If your husband’s wish is for you to make the decisions in the home, you are submitting to him. Is the traditional sense of how we view submission? No, but you are doing what you are supposed to biblically. He is responsible for the choices he makes. Is there a reason he doesn’t want to lead? Have you been able to get to the bottom of that? If it really bothers you, try talking to him about it when you’re not upset about it. Take it to the Lord and pray about it. Don’t try to convict him on this subject, let the Lord do that. Continue to seek your husband’s advice and input on decisions. Take a deep breath 🙂 You are submitting and the fact that you are concerned about living out God’s plan for your marriage shows that you really are invested positively in your marriage.

Have advice for Longing For Submission? Feel free to leave in the comments.

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  1. So tough because this is the whole reason the fall in the garden happened. Adam wouldn’t step up, Eve made a choice, and here we are. We still have that struggle today. A friend told me, don’t make the choices, don’t do what the leader is supposed to do. Things may not get done, but as long as he doesn’t see the need for his efforts and input, why bother?

    I also recommend reading “The Lies Women Believe” by Leigh Ann DeMoss – very helpful.

    Also, if there’s another man your husband trusts and respects, but having another man talk to him may help, and will give him someone to be accountable to.

  2. I cannot RECOMMEND the following book HIGHLY enough – it solved the mystery of why my husband didn’t lead and was the GREATEST HELP EVER: “Created to be his help meet” by Debi Pearl available on the website “”
    I also want to recommend the following books that augment the above one and what wives are to do/not do to change the matter for the best:
    “Love and respect” by Dr Emmerson Eggerichs
    “For women only” by Shaunti Feldhahn
    “Preparing to be a help meet” by Debi Pearl
    “Love your husband, love yourself” by JenniferFlanders
    and a little free subscription magazine “Above Rubies” available via “”

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