I am so angry right now. I am tired of letting people (especially my family) use me. I have wasted almost my entire inheritance paying for other people’s bills. My husband hasn’t been providing for the past 6 years or so. He hasn’t a clue how to manage his own finances, because I keep paying things off. I am so stupid, and now I am really angry and feeling like I just keep giving and giving in the guise of “wanting to help” but I just feel used. He pretends to be something he is not. Everyone else sees the “Christian” spouse, but I get the verbal and emotional abuse. He is just a taker at this point. I don’t know where to even start. He doesn’t think that my issues should still be a problem for me, (maybe because he wasn’t with me when they happened). I am just supposed to “snap out of it” and get over it. We’ve been married almost 20 years, but I feel so alone. We have one teenager still at home, who needs more help than I can give him. I know this was rambling, but that is how my head feels right now. Help!
I can feel your pain and anger in your letter. What a hard situation you are in. I’ve been praying about your situation. When it comes to the financial part of everything, you may try a family meeting where you tell everyone the buck stops here. It’s time to stop bailing everyone out. If you do decide to give, do it because you want to, not because you feel pressured to.
May I suggest seeking a Christian counselor? Just for you. If your husband is willing to go, you two can go together but I think you need someone to talk to. Someone who is safe and you can vent and get godly advice and prayer. If you are comfortable ask your pastor who he would recommend.
Another suggestion I have is to write some letters to whom ever is on your list right now and vent. Then burn them. Or write them on your computer but don’t save them. I suggest destroying them so they never fall into the wrong hands. It’s a safe and healthy way to say what ever you feel without hurting anyone. You’ll be amazed at the relief.
Continue to pray over this situation. Complain to God if you need to. Ask Him for guidance and discernment. Pray for your husband and your relationship with him.
Praying for peace for you sister.
If you have advice for ‘Giver’ please feel free to leave your comments below! The more wisdom, the better!
* Legal disclaimer: Dear Mel is not professional advice but for entertainment purposes only. Melinda Todd, nor her readers, is not legally liable for actions taken by participating parties. Professional help should always be sought. Dear Mel is opinion only. The advice is not legal, medical, or otherwise and is to replace advice from a doctor, attorney, or other legal authority.
*Dear Mel is an old column I used to write and no longer available to submit questions. You can always email me though!