I don’t know how to deal with this situation at church. I am involved at church but I want to be more involved. I have turned in the questionnaires for upcoming events so many times stating what I’d like to help with and yet, no one ever calls me to help out. The women’s ministries leader is a fairly controlling woman and she only chooses her closest friends to help with things. I feel like I’m back in middle school. Shouldn’t church be an all inclusive place for everyone? I feel like if I ask anyone from church, I’ll look like a whiner. What ideas do you have in dealing with this?
This certainly does take us back to middle school feelings of being inadequate, doesn’t it? I’ve seen these kinds of scenarios in churches. It’s not often easy to resolve. I’ll do my best to give some ideas and hopefully my readers will chime in and give you more.
Let’s start with your issue. I am going to assume you being looked over each time has to do with the women’s ministries? Do you feel comfortable addressing your concern with the leader? If you can do it in a way that isn’t accusatory but instead maybe ask if she got your card to volunteer for xyz position in the next upcoming event. Posing this question to her can give you a feel for how to proceed. If after this encounter you feel comfortable, call her and ask her to coffee. When you meet, again try not to accuse but just state how you are feeling and what you’d like to help with and how.
If after meeting together you still feel that she’s overlooking you on purpose, you might ask to meet with the pastor and her to discuss it. Hopefully it doesn’t come to that. You will have to decide how far you want to pursue this. Is there another ministry that could use your help? Does it have to be women’s ministries that you are involved in or could you find your place somewhere she’s not in charge? I do hope she doesn’t realize she is choosing only close friends to help and this issue can be easily resolved.
Here are my thoughts on women and being controlling. Most of us run a household, children, etc. We have learned to be in charge of many areas and sometimes don’t know how to let go of that need to control. When we’re not willing to submit and serve without being in control, it is selfish. We need to check our own hearts and the reason we feel we need to be in charge.
I hope you will update on this situation. I pray it comes out well for both of you.
Each of you should use whatever gift you have received to serve others, as faithful stewards of God’s grace in its various forms. 1 Peter 4:10
Do you have advice for ‘rejected’? Have you ever experienced this? Please share your stories in the comments below.
* No long accepting submissions for Dear Mel. You are always welcome to email me or leave a comment.