Attacking Your Love Language

Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing. 1 Thessalonians 5:11

Do you know your love language? There are five love languages; Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Receiving Gifts, Acts of Service, and Physical Touch.

Most of us have one that is dominant above the rest. Can you guess what mine is? A hint, it has to do with words! Yeah, I’m totally a words of affirmation girl.

Here’s the definition of Words of Affirmation:
Actions don’t always speak louder than words. If this is your love language, unsolicited compliments mean the world to you. Hearing the words, “I love you,” are important—hearing the reasons behind that love sends your spirits skyward. Insults can leave you shattered and are not easily forgotten.

It’s how love speaks to my heart the deepest and how I love others. But it’s also how others can hurt me the deepest, clear to the bone marrow. Do you know who knows your love language probably better than you do?

The enemy.

Oh, he knows it, and you can bet, he’s going to use it. For me he will use it right here on this blog or on the facebook fan page. Those mean-spirited comments that are left by someone having a really rotten day and decide they disagreed with something I wrote. Those cut, but they cut deeper when they come from a sister in Christ or family.

Knowing your own love language and your family member’s love languages can be very empowering and helpful but if not used in the right way, they can be used to destroy and tear down. Our intimate knowledge of another’s love language comes with responsibility.

Since words of affirmation are my love language and how I show love to others, it’s baffling to me, when others are less careful with their word choices and sling words around like a sword, not caring who they stab and slice in the process. So long as they get their point out there. Often times, I hear, “Well I’m just blunt, deal with it.” To that I could easily say,”I’m not, so deal with it.” Be blunt. There are times and places blunt is awesome but do so with caution. Words wound.

On the flip side, I can go for the jugular with my words. I have, it’s not pretty. Afterward, I feel dirty and sick to my stomach.

Who ever made up that childhood phrase, “Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me” missed the mark in a big way! I’d rather have a broken bone over a masacre of words. Bones heal. Words sink into the brain’s crevices and record and then play like a broken record. Cruel words take serious effort to fight off and keep off. I do my best to not participate in the mean girl game. No one ever wins.

I encourage you today to take the five love languages assessment and then come on back and share your main love language if you’ve never done it.

Then for the next few weeks, see if the enemy doesn’t try to use your more dominant love language to get to you. Proceed with your armor. He’s always ready for a fight, make sure you don’t go in blindly.

I would love to hear how this experiment pans out, so please come on back and share your experience! If we get enough response, we can do a link up for it. I strongly feel we’re all going to really be surprised by what happens.

I pray that opening our eyes to this area, might help us in the battle. As a wise friend shared with me, don’t wallow with the pigs. If someone hits ya in the love language department, try to let it go. Take it to the Lord cause He can love you perfectly! He already does!

The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole body, sets the whole course of one’s life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell. James 3:6


  1. Quality time is my primary love language. It’s true. For the most part, I LOVE being with my husband. It really doesn’t matter where we go or what we do, I just love being with him.


    • That’s my husband’s. Pay attention and see if the enemy doesn’t go for that area and even for your husband’s love language.

  2. You know I never stopped to think that the enemy could use our love language against us. Duh! Makes so much sense. Thanks for this reminder!

    • This struck me last week. Because dh has ones that are at the top of the list that are on my bottom and I am easily distracted which frustrates him and it hit me. The enemy wants to distract me from meeting my husband’s love languages so that we have a foothold in our marriage to hand him. Very eye opening to think about.

  3. Thank you for sharing this post! My love language is also words of affirmation. I have been told that I have the gift of encouragement. I think it’s very easy for us to put into play our own love language with others, but just as you mentioned, it’s crucial to be aware of our loved one’s love language. I do believe, even if one’s love language isn’t words of affirmation, all believers are called to “speak words of life” — not death. I am also repulsed by some of the hurtful words some use. Words do hurt! Again …thanks for your post! Smiles in Him…
    SusieMc Mullins Sellers recently posted..Verse and Message – Memorial Day 2011

  4. Quality time means the world to my husband, being apart is physically painful to him in so many ways. I’m the word oriented person, and our son is a mix of both (of course). When we let our expectations and needs come before our desire to be faithful to each other’s needs and to the nudging of God do we ever see the sparks flying! The devil sure knows how to push us in the directions of fights, disagreements and misunderstandings. Thank you for this well done post and timely reminder to be wary of attacks, and to be diligent in our faith and love.
    Shanyn recently posted..Storms Raging

  5. I’ve been told I am too sensitive, after taking the test now I know why. I’m also a words of affirmation! It all makes sense now. And you’re right, Satan loves to use anything he can against us and things we’re not even aware of to do his dirty work. Thanks for this challenge. I’ll take it!

  6. I had two tied for first place with 10 each: words of affirmation and quality time. Hmm.. Maybe I really am high maintenance after all!!! lol
    Melody recently posted..shed building

  7. I agree that we should know our family members’ primary love language. When I was pregnant with my 2nd, I was so sick that my hubby, toddler and I had to move in with my parents for 3 months. Everyone else was taking care of my toddler. He went from being a momma’s boy to an indifferent-to-momma’s boy. Then after the newborn came, my oldest became even more distant. When I discovered that his primary love language was quality time and began to give it to him, it changed everything.
    KellySinging recently posted..How We Make Amazing Memories with God

    • That’s so hard Kelly. I went through some of that too. My oldest was an only for almost 6 years, then I was put on bedrest, had gestational diabetes and was pretty depressed. Once baby came, I got a spinal headache for two weeks from an epi gone wrong and didn’t get out of bed during that time. Poor kid had a HARD adjustment! I’m glad you figured that out for him.

  8. I have 2 that are nearly tied. I scored an 11 on words of affirmation and a 10 on physical touch.

  9. Thank you for visiting my blog. I enjoyed stopping by yours, too!

  10. I LOVE this! I’m just about to take it, but before I’m guessing that any of them might come top for me apart from physical touch. Let’s see..

    Okay – my main one is Quality Time (10), but yes, the other 3 were close to each other on 5, 6 & 7 (Words of Affirmation in second place). Physical Touch was only a 2. Pretty much what I expected, but really interesting all the same. I hope I can pay more attention to these in different people in the future 🙂
    Just me recently posted..What women want

  11. Amazing timing for this post. Without going into all the details, I’ll just tell you it was an answer to my prayers this morning. I took the ‘test’ and it led me to some revelations which will be helpful for a certain relationship which has been rocky. Thank you.
    Jan Messali recently posted..Gingers Garden Soaps Review &amp Giveaway- ends 6-22

    • Jan, I’m so glad to hear that. I will be praying for you and your relationship!

  12. Mel,

    Missing you the last couple of days. Praying all is ok.


  13. I finally had time to sit back and take the test – very illuminating. My love language was acts of service, which struck me as odd at first, but then as I thought about it, I realized that when I care about someone, I tend to show it by doing things for them.
    Amy recently posted..My Earworm of the Day

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