Advice: I’ve Lost My Friend To Volunteering

Dear Mel,

I miss my Christian friend. We have so much in common and our children love to spend time together. Unfortunately she is involved in a very time intensive volunteer world that is keeping her away from her children, her friends (outside that world) and even though we’ve talked it doesn’t seem to get through.

I’m praying for her but I don’t know, should I sit down and have a real heart to heart about this with her or just leave it to God? I know we are told to speak to each other when we see a need for change, and as lovingly as I can, I have tried in a round about way.

As soon as she needs something she’ll call, that’s how it seems to go. I’ve never understood how someone can ‘fight’ for a friendship. Any help?
~ Fighting for Friendship ~

Dear Fighting For Friendship:
I understand your frustrations and longing for your friend. It seems most good friendships go through some ups and downs and changes.

Have you told her you miss her? Then I’d want to know if her volunteering is a problem to her husband? If it’s not, then it may be best to remain quiet about your feelings about her volunteer work and the time she’s committing to it. You likely know her and her family well enough to know if it’s causing an issue or not.

Can you invite her over for coffee or something else you two used to do together? If you can get some time with her, maybe then you can approach her and let her know how much you miss her and maybe even ask her how all the time she spends volunteering affects her family. She may have found something that she enjoys so much, she can’t see it causing problems in other areas. Does it make her feel fulfilled or like she’s making an important difference?

Pray diligently over it. Ask God to show you if you need to say anything to her at this time. He’ll direct your path!





*Dear Mel is an old column I used to write and is no longer available to submit questions. You can always email me though!


  1. I’m so glad you’ve started ‘Dear Mel” for those who want to vent and share and reach out to others to help them find answers to the crazy situations of life. Keep up the great work, Mel. I like how God is using you in this way 🙂
    Debbie Dillon recently posted..The Absence of Shoes

    • Thanks Debbie! I love reading everyone’s advice too 🙂 I always loved Dear Abby. A lot of the time, I don’t really have the answer other than prayer so it’s great to get good biblical advice from others 🙂 Thanks for the encouragement!

  2. I think being busy and “volunteering” is a trap we fall into especially as Christians. What we do seems noble and right and it is. But basically, if it isn’t what God has called us to do, its disobedience. I present a topic on busyness and I use this quote:

    In Charles Swindoll’s Intimacy with the Almighty, he says, “Everything around us works against reordering and simplifying our lives. Ours is a cluttered, complicated world. God did not create it that way. Depraved, restless humanity has made it that way.” He adds, “Busyness is an enemy wherever it rears its ugly head.”

    He puts it so well. I would continue to pray for your friend and be there for her family. Help where you can, that’s what Jesus would do. But I do caution you NOT to become a doormat and resentful because that is when Satan is invited into the relationship.

    Connie Pilston Shoemaker recently posted..Earthquake: Did you feel it?

  3. I love your blog and this is a great topic to discuus. It’s a fine line between serving and relationship building.
    Jennifer Slattery recently posted..God Can Hear Our Prayers by Jan Cox

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