Accountability, I Don’t Have It. Do You?

Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ. Galatians 6:2

Do you have an accountability partner? I don’t. And lately, I am realizing that I need to have one. Do you know why we need an accountability partner? How hard is it to find one?

I know why I need an accountability partner. I mean, duh, right? To keep us accountable. But I find that it’s easier to say those words than to actually live them. I know I need someone who can say, “Hey, how’s it going with xyz this week?” or “How much time did you actually spend online not working this week?” or “Did you swear this week?”

I know in my mind and heart that I need to have that and I know it can’t be my husband who is my accountability person. Why? Because I wouldn’t respond well to it. I’m hard headed. If he were the one to say, “Oh are you supposed to eat that cookie?” or something similar, I’d probably rebel and eat ten cookies instead of one. It would likely cause some issues for us.

While I need that accountability, it scares me. Yep, terrifies me even. Because it means letting someone possibly judge me but more importantly, it means letting someone else ask me about my hang-ups weekly. Who wants to do that? Not me. That’s probably why I’ve resisted it for years. I’m a fairly open person when I feel comfortable but there are still skeletons in my closet that I don’t want others to know about because they are humiliating.

What happens if this friend and I stop being friends? She will then know all of my very personal stuff and could use it to gossip. That’s a big one for me. That’s THE big one for me. Friendships fall apart. It happens.

But as I’ve been toying with this concept and praying about it, I realize once again, it comes down to me trusting God. Do I trust Him to bring the right person into my life for this very purpose? If I pray fervently, will He let me down? And so what if my secrets are gossiped about! What if my secrets help someone else not feel so alone and isolated? What if…

Are you playing the what if game with this topic too? Do you have an accountability partner? If not, why not? If so, how does that work for you? Any advice on finding that “right” person? Do you think that person should be a friend?


  1. I do not have an accountability partner, and I wish I did. For your same reasons it cannot be my husband, and for the reasons of scars and skeletons I’d rather it be someone that doesn’t interact with my family either. I’ve got some wonderful prayer sisters and friends but someone I can share it all with? I don’t know even where to look. I’m only seeing that my scars and things don’t make me ugly to God, but am I still ugly to people?

    Let me know how your journey goes, and if you want I’d do my best to be your partner in accountability!
    Shanyn recently posted..Snakes and Crosses

    • Shanyn, one thing I’ve been contemplating is picking an older Godly woman. One you seriously admire. I have one of those but I’m not certain she has the time for me. But I think that could be a great place to start. It’s something my girlfriends and I talked about a lot. There just don’t seem to be older women who are available for us younger ones to mentor us like the bible says to. ALL of us so desperately want it too – in my group of friends I mean. Many of us are w/o mothers, grandmothers, etc to help fill those roles.

  2. I don’t have one either. I have many Christian friends, one of whom is close to an accountability partner I guess, in that we are very open with each other. But as I was reading your post I started thinking that no, they probably shouldn’t be a friend. There’s a difference between a mentor/mentee relationship, and a friendship. It’s a difference that I’ve been confused about in the past and I think you need to be clear which of the two a relationship is. They are different and I don’t think it’s right to blur the boundaries. So I agree is that it should be someone older. With that you get the added bonus that they’ve been through your particular stage of life before. I agree too though that there don’t seem to be many people like that around. There is one woman at my church who I think could fill that role in my life but I KNOW she doesn’t have the time for it to be a regular thing so I don’t think it would work.

    To look at a different side of this subject – is anyone accountable to you? I think that you would make a fantastic mentor. Is it something you’ve considered or would consider?
    Just me recently posted..I want to be humbled

    • I have never thought about being a mentor, not in that sense anyway. Thank you for that sweet vote of confidence! It’s so hard to find someone to be a mentor isn’t it? Everyone’s soooo busy anymore. I don’t want to be a burden to anyone. My mentor moved away. I still email her once in a while when I really need to ask a question or am dealing with something I really need help with.

      • I think you should consider it, if it’s something you would have time for or be interested in doing. You would be a fantastic role model – I barely know you and I really look up to you! Are there any teenage girls in your church or anything who could use an accountability partner? I think you’d be perfect for it! x
        Just me recently posted..I want to be humbled

        • Thank you πŸ™‚ You made my day! I think that may be an option. We will see πŸ™‚

  3. I have several of them. One group emails each other weekly and I meet with a pastor from a neighboring town often.
    Michael recently posted..On Not Sucking

    • That’s awesome! I know a LOT of men who have accountability partners. I wonder if it’s something I don’t see with women or if we are lacking it.

  4. I recently moved, so I don’t have an accountability partner. I miss having one and have been praying about it, so I was very happy to find your post. I don’t see accountability partners mentioned in Christian circles as much as I used to, but I think they are relationships that help bring us closer to God.

    I’m liking your blog by the way. I saw it first on Circle of Moms and then almost immediately after on Living Well Wednesdays, and I’m glad I decided to click on over and check it out!

    • Welcome Amy! So glad to have you here! πŸ™‚ Circle of Moms has been amazing for finding more Godly gals to discover and follow!

      • Yes – Circle of Moms has been a wonderful resource. I spend a lot more time reading online now than I used to, but I feel so blessed to have found some wonderful Godly women out there. As a new blogger, it’s also fun to see some of the different ways in which more experience bloggers have been setting up their sites. Hope you have a wonderful evening!
        Amy recently posted..Midweek Links and a Homekeepers Journal

        • That helps a lot! Commenting on those Christian blogs is very important too πŸ™‚ Helps grow your reader base and meet lots of awesome Godly women!

  5. I don’t have one either, and long for one as well, but I have several concerns like you do. I have been challenged to look for “divine connections” instead of friends, and God has been enabling me to have contact with truly spiritual women who challenge me, encourage me, and allow me to have an opportunity to speak. You are one of those women. Thank you for your transparency, and for asking difficult, probing questions.

    Mentoring has been one of the greatest joys of my life. I often feel that I learn more from the girls than they ever learn from me, but God has allowed me to speak Life into their hearts, and there is no greater priviledge. Pray about it–you have so much to share!!!

    • Thanks Judi! I haven’t heard about it lately much either. I wonder if it’s one of those things that cycles through the church. We’ll see what the youth pastor thinks πŸ™‚ He did ask me to write some bible studies for next year, hopefully he still wants me to do that.

  6. I don’t have an accountability partner – I have a circle of them. There isn’t a day goes by that I don’t stay in contact with at least one of those people in my circle. Accountability is so important. The moment we begin to think we don’t need accountability is the moment Satan has a blast.

  7. I don’t have an accountability partner either. Along with everyone else here, I would like to but my problem is that I HATE to ask anyone! I keep hearing that you should find someone that you think is right and ask that person to be your mentor/accountability partner, but in the same breath they say, “Don’t be offended or take it personally if that person tells you they can’t take on anymore at this time.” Which is why I’ve never asked anyone – because I KNOW me and I KNOW that it would be extremely hard for me to deal with someone saying no. Rejection is the one thing I still have a problem with and it stems from (believe it or not) my middle to high school years! Is that not ridiculous???? I keep thinking if someone wants to be my mentor/accountability partner, maybe they’ll just ask me – although I’m told it is NOT supposed to happen that way. LOL – Anyway, I already have to give myself enough “pep talks” about not feeling rejected for one reason or another, so I just decided not to “add” to the list. I figure I won’t be rejected if I don’t ask – LOL – crazy, I know and not the way I should feel – but, as Mandisa says – I’m just keeping it real πŸ™‚
    Kathryn Champion recently posted..COMPLAINING ALL THE WAY TO MY BLESSING

    • I understand. Let’s pray that the Lord will bring the right person into your life naturally. Facing rejection is very hard. I totally relate to that every time I hit post here πŸ™‚

  8. No, I don’t have one, but want one. Thanks for the encouragement.
    Laura recently posted..Hanging By Grace

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