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The Vow

This weekend my girlfriends took me to see The Vow as a belated birthday celebration. The movie got my wheels spinning about marriage and worst case scenarios. While I generally don’t talk about marriage here, with my 16th wedding anniversary on Thursday, it’s perfect timing.

In this particular movie the wife’s parents don’t support her marriage. Society often treats marriage with little to no support. We’re encouraged to divorce when things get tough.

I pray none of us ever have to deal with a serious medical issue – like the amnesia presented in this movie – but are we prepared for it? Who would make the decisions for your or your spouse’s care? Are either of your parents going to swoop in and take over, leaving the spouse alone, with no say, and almost as if the marriage never existed? It’s worth not only discussing with your spouse but also getting it in writing and then talking to your parents about your wishes.

Would your family encourage you to work out your marriage relationship if there was a serious medical issue? 

Would you change how society sees marriages? If so, how? Share in the comments below.

Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh. Genesis 2:24

 

7 Comments

  1. Lost and Found Lady

    Well, as it turns out, we are in a serious medical issue. It’s why I haven’t been online for about a month. In fact, my husband had major surgery-one of the biggest procedures there is- and the whole family on both sides had to make some huge decisions.

    For one thing, I made the phone call to ask my out of town parents to buy plane tickets and fly in for two weeks so that there would be childcare for our minor children. We had both sets of grandparents sleeping in our apartment several nights.

    We (our family) discovered some people had more stamina when it came to waiting rooms and staying long hours in the hospital than others. Not to name any names, of course, it was a temptation to point to some doing 20 hours at a time while others struggled to just do 4 or 5 hours without getting completely exhausted.

    Then there was a question about how to look at the kids’ grades when a parent could very easily potentially die. Would YOU be able to focus on spelling tests if you knew your parent was fighting for his or her life? Is that even a question that should be asked? We talked to all the teachers and had them understand the severity of our situation.

    Now comes the rubber-road moment: Can I put aside decades of rivalry so that I can smoothly coordinate with my mother in law? Turns out, yes I can. We did. Both of us ended our fussing in about five minutes after hearing the diagnosis. So far, so good. It has been tested. I think both of us prefer this way better.

    I hope it doesn’t take a tragic medical moment to bond key relationships in your situation. We were blessed in that after surgery, we received an incredible outcome. We will be one of the few who escape pancreatic cancer. He’ll live. Praise GOD!

  2. When I told me mother that I was getting married she said that was okay because when it didn’t work out I could get a divorce. :/
    She couldn’t or she felt that she couldn’t.. she should have.
    So.. uhm.. I feel that it was a good thing for her to say because it made us really talk about what we really wanted? Were we really ready to make this promise?
    That’s a good thing because I did not have a good childhood and I do have memory problems.. I’ve not seen the movie and I didn’t know it was about amnesia, is that in the trailers for it? Or should we have a ‘spoiler alert’ on your post?
    ..uh so to continue.. if something happens to my husband we could be in trouble. I should probably talk to him and our now adult sons and have some kind of plan for that..

    • Nope, no spoiler 🙂 The whole movie is based on her memory loss and I was careful to not give anything else away 🙂 And it’s based on a true story.

  3. Wow, Lost and Found lady, your comment is very intriguing. I would love to hear more of your story!

    I have found that people are quick to give up on marriages in general. It’s sad. I am very much pro-marriage, and even in the midst of a current crisis going on, I am trusting the Lord for the restoration of my marriage. Fortunately I do have support, although not overwhelming…but it doesn’t take much. There are marriages that deal with all kinds of serious issues and thrive, and others that fall apart for less. I am not sure why that is. God is able, though! He will lead us and guide us into the right decisions for our individual situations.

    • Lost and Found Lady

      Thank you Kimberly! I think the mind likes to place two hard covers on either side of difficult experiences, calls it ‘a book’ and wants to put the whole business on the shelf. Bad life makes good art.

      Reading that you are praying for restoration in your marriage, I’d like to share two ah-ha moments. It might surprise you that your life, your words, your hints are not enough to jostle your partner out of low quality life decisions. It may take *cough* [surgery] to get your mate’s attention.

      My prayer for my husband became something of a chant “Let Love Win’. But Worship is about who God already is and always has been. God is faithful. When you realize that no matter which way reality gets served up, you win, there is your peace. That winning is because God is the Lover of your soul (isaiah 54) –He will so adjust your life so that trials bless you with wisdom. You will find that hardships display His grace. Wink and wave to the angels who defend your spirit. Realize the Last Word is His.

      Your efforts to be loving are not successful based on whether or not your partner agrees. Your efforts and motives are recorded in heaven. Heaven rewards on its own. I’m here to say that reward is worth it. May peace attend you!

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