The most intimate human relationship we have on earth is with our spouse. My marriage is private. Is yours?
Some couples are called into ministry to use their struggles and triumphs to minister to the hearts of other couples. We are not one of them. I am a fairly open person in most areas but my marriages is an area I have learned to protect because to share our struggles would disrespect my husband and his wishes.
When we turn intimate issues in our home into a gab fest with our girlfriends, we may be doing a huge disservice to our private relationship with our husbands. Words are so powerful. When we gossip about our husband’s and share their inequities, we disrespect and dishonor them. We can’t take back the image it leaves in someone else’s minds. The two of you may make up and move beyond it but your friend may not be able to reconcile what she knows about your husband and it can damage his reputation.
If the spouse is not a believer, imagine how they might feel to find out a few or many in the church know their dark, dirty secrets. How likely will your spouse be to step foot into that building? How betrayed would your spouse feel if they knew you’d shared with others? How would you feel if the shoe were on the other foot?
Is it okay to ask for prayer? Absolutely! But do we have to share the details in order for our friends to pray? No. We can simply say, “Would you mind praying for us? We’re working through something in our marriage right now and could use God’s help in it.” No further details are needed.
All our marriages need prayer. We do. It is one of the biggest areas satan targets. He wishes to destroy families, especially if God is in the midst of a marriage. He loves to torment when there is only one believer in the home as well.
It is not easy to do, but God doesn’t call us to do the easy. Are there times I want to go to a friend and say, “AH! That man! Do you know what he did?!” Yes! And I am certain he feels the same way, regularly. But we’ve chosen together to honor one another by keeping our fights and issues between us, unless we both agree to share it.
When you are tempted to share, ask yourself a few questions. If I share this, will it damage his reputation or the way this person sees him or interacts with him? Would he be angry if he knew I shared this situation? Would I share it if he were standing beside me?
Our marriages are to be protected. We have so much power to do damage or to keep it sacred.
My husband and I will celebrate 17 years of marriage on Friday. We have our struggles and our triumphs. My husband is a very private person and in order to honor him, I do my very best to keep our life between he and I. Have I missed the mark and shared when I shouldn’t have? Yep. And when I do, I want to slap my hand over my mouth because I know better. I’m thankful it doesn’t happen often and I believe it’s a God thing. He reminds me not to go there.
Whoever goes about slandering reveals secrets, but he who is trustworthy in spirit keeps a thing covered. Proverbs 11:13
Can we ask for advice for our marriages without dishonoring our spouse? Do you keep your marriage private? When is it okay to share about your problems? Please share in the comments section.