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No Is A Complete Sentence

no complete sentence melindatodd

She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue. Proverbs 31:26

After dealing with a difficult situation, I spent some serious alone time with God. Okay, I put up my dukes and God just told me to hold on a second.  I could just hear Him, “Don’t you make me come down there, Mel!”

I spent an entire day pretty ticked off about the whole situation.

How dare he/she think they should be allowed in my home!

Why?!

Why would they think that is okay?!

And then I started to beat myself up.

If I’ve really forgiven them, should I be feeling this way?  Am I a liar?  Hypocrite?

I asked for prayer and I got on my knees.  And here is what God told me.

It is okay to say no. I have permission to say no without apology. It is okay to say no without explanation. Did you hear that friends?  No is enoughNo is a complete sentence.  We don’t have to be unkind in saying no but no is all that has to be said.

Forgiveness is a work the Lord does in our hearts. It’s between He and I. It sets my heart free but it does not mean that I forget what happened.  It doesn’t mean throwing caution to the wind and allowing a dangerous person access to my home or children.

You see, I have no ill will towards this person.  I do not wish to hurt them.  They are not however, entitled to my life.

Was it easy to tell them no?  No, but I felt so much stronger after being honest.  For once the truth was told.  No burying our heads in the sand and pretending.  And for once, I put  my people pleasing aside, and I did not apologize for telling them that it was not reasonable for them to come to my home for a visit. I have complete peace now.

Tomorrow I will share the second lesson God’s been sharing with me!  Stay tuned, it’s good! In fact, I’m so excited about it, I’m going to have a hard time holding off posting it until tomorrow 🙂

Blessings,

Melsiggy

23 Comments

  1. Yay! I am so happy for you; what freedom!!! You are absolutely right, you are not responsible for him feeling forgiven.

  2. This is a tough one. My mom was molested by her biological father and I know it scarred her for years. However, when her father came back into town years later- old, penniless, and with nowhere to live, she put him up in one of our families rental properties. Gradually her father slowly became involved in our families lives, but there were always limitations. I think this allowed my mother to truly implement forgiveness as well as destroy the power dynamic that molestation, and abuse tend cause in a victims life.

    Great post,
    Blessings,
    Mark

    • It’s completely individual and between them and God. I know my heart. I have forgiven and discussed what happened face-to-face with my abuser. He’s always been around but this time, I just felt that it was the time for me to say, no not this time. I have a 5 year old daughter now and I have to make sure she is safe. I don’t make decisions without praying first and I believe 100% that this was the best decision for now. God’s using my story to help others and I am humbled and grateful for it. We each have to ask for his wisdom in each of our lives and situations. 🙂

      Mel

      • I agree. Every struggle has different circumstances and different people it effects. I believe that if a person prays diligently and asks God to help them FORGIVE, it’s done. It might not happen in THAT moment, it could take days or years for us to finally let it go.With that said, I believe that it is not a “sin” or a marker of “not REALLY forgiving” someone, if you do not want to pursue a relationship with them. I think it depends on the circumstance….

        • Very true. Each encounter and experience is so different. If we earnestly seek God’s wisdom, His word says He WILL give it to us. Since this person is family, these situations have and will always continue to come up and each situation will be dealt with individually. Since there is SOOO much more to this story that I won’t go into detail about, I have to make the decision that is best for my family and myself. I don’t know if it will ever get easier.

  3. You are so courageous and sweet. Talking about this topic must be difficult but how wonderful you are using your experience for God’s glory! Sorry you are still dealing with the reprecussions of this abuse. Keep on keeping on girl!:)

    • Thanks Kelli, it is hard to write about. When this gets brought up, people look at me like I have a 3rd eye. It makes folks uncomfortable and our lack of talking about it, makes healing from it that much harder. I want women to know they CAN heal from it. I’d rather have a much more fun subject that God wants me to tackle but this is what He’s laid on my heart for 14 years.

  4. i know it isn’t easy to share the kind of heartache you’ve endured. you are brave and strong, melinda.

    i love what you said: “I have permission to say no without apology.” so powerful. and such freeing truth in that statement. i need to get better at remembering that no is a complete sentence.

  5. Such a good point. We are allowed to say no. We don’t have to give an explanation or make excuses. No is enough. I’m glad God gave you the courage to do what you needed to do.
    I found you through Debra at Pure and Simple. I look forward to reading more from you.
    Lisa
    http://lisaphelps.org

  6. 😉

  7. Awesome Post! I too have an Uncle molester.
    Please check out my blogs, if you would.

    http://www.awomansheartajourneytowholeness.blogspot

    and

    http://www.hopeannfaith.wordpress.com
    Thank you for posting your heart! It means the world to those who need to know that they are not alone, that God loves them and that forgiveness is possible!

    You are a blessing.

    Andrea

    • Thanks Andrea! So glad you didn’t give up blogging! We need more honest writers out there spreading the Word.

  8. I know that I have told you before, but I just wanted to say that I love reading your blogs. They are very encouraging to me, and they help me to push forward in my struggles 🙂 To see that it IS POSSIBLE to defeat abuse is a great thing for me. So, thank you 😀

    • I’m so thankful we found each other 🙂 I love being able to encourage someone else with the yuck from my past.

  9. Totally agree, you have the right to protect yourself and your family. Such a relief to feel in control and at peace. As for him he has to ask God for forgiveness, take the steps to prove he is a new man and forgive himself. You can say I forgive you thousands of times, but until he releases that guilt and forgives himself and does better for himself he will not feel peace. And I agree forgiveness does not equal forgetting.

  10. And God backed your “no” with His authority. Plus He gave you the boldness to take a stand.
    Go Mel! Go God! We all need this valuable lesson. Just say no.

  11. So glad we talked yesterday! And I’m smirking a bit. Not about why you posted this, of course, but that you listened to yo’ momma! LOVE you!!!!!!

  12. Thank you for sharing this. I can’t go into the ‘why,’ but this is exactly what I needed to hear.

  13. This is very well written and I really loved it. Thank you for sharing!

  14. Hi! Thank you for visiting my blog from the UBP 🙂 I love this post – and I am so glad you came to that conclusion. We are to forgive but also be wise, and I am glad you had the courage to say no! I am sorry you had to go through what you did. I look forward to following you 🙂

  15. Hi! Thank you for visiting my blog from the UBP 🙂 I love this post – and I am so glad you came to that conclusion. We are to forgive but also be wise, and I am glad you had the courage to say no! I am sorry you had to go through what you did. I look forward to following you 🙂

  16. Hi! Thank you for visiting my blog from the UBP 🙂 I love this post – and I am so glad you came to that conclusion. We are to forgive but also be wise, and I am glad you had the courage to say no! I am sorry you had to go through what you did. I look forward to following you 🙂

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