This was posted on Pinterest (the sign is for sale at UrbanOutfitters). It immediately caught my attention.
As a mom, I’m pretty sick of whining and complaining as the end of summer vacation wraps up. But then I read the rest of the message.
Stuff it.
That’s what I hear as I read, “No frowning. Only hugs, smiles, and warm fuzzy feelings are allowed.”
What kind of message is that? One I think many of us heard growing up.
Stuff your feelings, stuff your frowny face, and stuff your “negative” opinions.
If we’re not allowed those feelings as a child, we end up having to deal with them as an adult. If they’re not dealt with, they come out in unhealthy and destructive ways. Is this the message we want others to get from us?
Stuff it =
- Your feelings are invalid
- Your thoughts are unimportant
- You don’t matter
- No one cares
- You’re stupid
No one enjoys a whiner or a complainer but telling anyone to bottle their emotions is abusive and destructive. Don’t do it.
Instead, let’s empower others. Give them tools to deal with the yuck in life. We’re all going to have it. Tackle it.
Encourage the person to:
- take it to the Lord
- journal it
- scream into a pillow
- punch the pillow or bed (just the mattress)
- create something
- write a letter and burn it
- go for a walk or run
- talk about it
- do yard or house work
Every item on this list is free.
We have power when people come to us with their troubles. We can encourage them or we can deflate them and damage them. If someone is coming to you for help, it’s because they trust you.
What other ways can you empower someone who is whining or complaining? Is there a time when you have to say enough is enough? How would you go about that?
Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing. 1 Thessalonians 5:11
mel my whole life ppl told me to stuff it from the time i was a child until now …at one time in my life I took their advice and started stuffing my feelings ; the hurt the pain the rejection the betrayal all of those things I wasnt supposed to get out according to them. seriously had ultamate consequences and in that I had no guideance no support no idea how to deal with those things .well it literly drove me over the edge and I winded up making destructive decesions that almost ended my life .the biggest hurt that was done to me was having my whole family telling me in so many ways shut up we don’t want to hear you.when I was there for them i listened I cared about their hurt and pain their abuse they endured.the most important thing to healing is getting it out and dealing with it facing the pain the hurt .all we were taught was to deny ,run and stuff it ! it’s facing, admitting, dealing with the past and all the things that stem from abuse,and then forgiveness .the scariest thing for me was facing the pain even though I had everyone around me telling me no no let it go let it go leave it behind you, theres a saying if the pain still exsist than its not in the past its present . but I knew in my heart that facing it was the key to healing.God brought ppl in my life who encouraged me loved me cared for me and told me exactly why and even how to face it.my life is in a better place thanks to my heavenly father who knew me inside an out and knew what was best for his daughter.today I’m still healing from yrs of abuse everywhere I turned I was abused.one day God will use his daughter to reach many hurting, abandoned women .wow to see where I am now is a true mirical .I cried out to jesus and he heard everyone of my crys for help.It takes work it takes ppl to love you and to have compassion towards you.but it was jesus living in my heart and no one on this plant could never take away, the love jesus has for me no one could ever convince me otherwise who jesus is in my life .. his strength his mighty working power thats in the blood of the lamb ..theres power ,power wonderful working power in the blood of the lamb….thats a old hymn. mel I truly needed to hear this message today .thank you so much for sharing ..thank you jesus for speaking through mel and for giving her your love and your compassion for others in jesus name amen !
Geri I’m so glad you are healing and I’m so sorry for all the torment you’ve been through! Your comments are so sweet 🙂 Praying that God keeps you close and continues to show you His light!
thankyou so much mel for your kind words and encouragment .thank you for your prayers you know God is showing me so much and boy is he using your post and others here to really show me the truth.you know i still struggle to express myself but God’s word strengthens me and gives me the confidence i need to speak whats in my heart thats its okay to talk to others and that I’m allowed to talk and say how I feel … thanks again mel for this post 🙂
Ugh! I hate this! As a child, I was always told to stop crying for “no reason” and to smile when I didn’t feel like it. Now everyone wonders why I can’t share my feelings, hurts, and frustrations with anyone. When you’re taught at a young age that those don’t matter, it’s difficult as an adult to entrust others with the matters of your heart.
Jenny recently posted..Thoughts on Hosea
I hate it too Jenny. Absolutely ridiculous!
hi jenny ,I’m so sorry that you were treated that way no one should be denied thier feelings no one. as you can see I totally understand what its like to hide my feelings my thoughts because my father wouldnt allow me to be me ever he controlled our home like hitler so when he laughed we laughed when he was mad we were not allowed to be happy. mt father controlled everything in our home.. so jenny I completely know why you would struggle with trusting others, or to even open up would be very difficult .saten used them to try and keep us locked up inside. thanks to jesus that we have freedom in him to freely express ourselves ..hugs
Awesome take on this ridiculously unrealistic expectation! Love this post! Useful, you speak truth and common sense staright from the heart. Think I will pin this up as a reminder of the better ways to direct my energy and as a reminder for directing others wisely. I especially advocate the pillow punching, personally!
Dawn Paoletta recently posted..The Elephant and Me (That’s Just Gross)
I agree, Dawn. I was so annoyed to see how many people repinned this over there too 🙁 I think a quick read through maybe people don’t catch what a very negative sign it really is. Oh well 🙂
What a great post Mel! Thanks for this reminder, I’m going to be sharing it widely.
“don’t be like that” or “stuff down those feelings” are just so wrong, and unhealthy. I have a sign that charges $5 for whining, but I also have a heavy bag and gloves for when you just gotta get it out. No one needs to be devalued or invalidated because we don’t agree with how they feel what they feel. Unless it’s my skin you are in, you don’t really know.
Once again you hit the right notes for a post that sings!
Bright blessings, Shanyn (Strawberry Roan)
Shanyn recently posted..Etch-A-Prayer
Thanks Shanyn 🙂