Why do I feel like a failure because I need medication for one week out of the month? My hormones are jacked. Nothing helps and I can’t keep living life like a caged animal for a week once a month.
I know why I feel like a failure. Because as Christians, we often tell people to pray more or judge because someone must not be a good enough Christian if they need to medicate to stay sane.
I flat out disagree. They are right on one note. I am NOT a good enough Christian. And neither are they. That’s just a fact. None of us are. We’re all saved by the same grace. For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God. Rom 3:23
However, I have spent time on my knees begging for relief from the craziness that haunts and takes over my mind once a month, every single month w/o fail. I become paranoid that everyone hates me. I want to say mean and horrible things to pretty much anyone and everyone. And suicidal thoughts taunt me.
Sounds like fun, doesn’t it? No one should have to live like this. I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy.
I needed help. I sought it out and when I found out that the doctor had prescribed a generic Prozac, I put it in the cupboard and said, “screw that.” I don’t want to be on Prozac. I worry about feeling sick and all the other side effects that come with it because I have tried pretty much every other antidepressant because I used to think that I must suffer from depression. Every single one of them made me feel TERRIBLE. It wasn’t until I started really paying attention to the fact that I DON’T feel this way all the time but only when my hormones change each month. That’s not depression. It is PMDD . Menopause ought to be a blast!
I would rather be on something herbal or natural. So I am really struggling with my decision to pop these pills. I only have to take them for 2 weeks each month. We’ll see how that goes. If it helps, great. If not, I’m back to square one wondering what on earth I am going to do with myself.
So today, I am just writing to be honest. I’m struggling this week. I try not to post on Facebook etc much during this time because I have a tendency to want to write biting comments or take things super personally. I am also writing because I covet your prayers during this time. If you have a suggestion, let me know. If you too struggle with this, let’s pray together because I honestly get it! It’s brutal.
I am humbling myself before you all. I will not let this thing win!
2 Chronicles 7:14
if my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then will I hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and will heal their land.
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