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Desire To Sin

I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do.  Romans 7:15

I long to sin.  Do you ever feel that way?  Let me explain.  I’ve got a lot on my plate right now and someone just threw me some disgusting garbage to deal with.  You know the kind where you think, why on earth would anyone think that is okay? Seriously.

With all of that nonsense going on, I am in the process of switching meds which is really reeking havoc on me.  It’s not pretty.  I find myself feeling angry and having a RAWR kind of attitude.  Everything irritates me and I focus on the negative.  That’s never good.

I want to update my Facebook page with, “I hate…” repeatedly.  There’s a lot I’m not a fan of right now 🙂 Or driving down the road, I find myself yelling, “Get off the road bozo!”  Yeah, don’t drive around me right now.  I want to take my frustration, hurt, and anger out on someone or something.  I desire to write what’s going on here or on Facebook because I know everyone will agree with me but I can’t and I won’t.

Some would tell me that I have sinned because I thought it.  Others would say I have not sinned because I didn’t act on it.  Well, I have called people bozos!  I have repented for my thoughts and feelings and asked for release from them.  I know it will come but I am waiting on the Lord for that peace.  PLEASE!

So what’s a girl to do?  I repeat my bible verses over and over and over again until that feeling lifts for the moment.  I don’t want to be one of those negative people on Facebook because I don’t enjoy reading those people’s posts myself (although I am not immune to having done this).  Nastiness breeds more nastiness and who needs that?  I’ve also been blasting my favorite Christian music on my laptop.  And of course, I have asked for prayer.

I want to be an encourager which means I try to put thought into what I write.  I’ve learned the hard way about writing something online that I later regret. The internet never forgets and neither have I.  But even us encouragers need some support and encouragement, so here I am.  Laying what I can on the line.  Coveting your prayers because I can’t do this without being bathed in prayer.

What do you do when you are dealing with an incredibly ridiculous situation that you can’t ignore?  And if you see my cougar face approach…  😉

5 Comments

  1. I have been there many times! The knowledge of our own weakness is often what leads us to the moral frontier where Jesus Christ works. Is it possible to work out these problems under our own power? Never! Unless God can do what Jesus Christ says He can, unless He can give us the Holy Spirit who will remake and bear us into a new realm.

    Great post! You are in my prayers (and I don’t just say that willy-nilly:)

    Blessings,

    Mark

  2. Hi Mel,
    Thank you for sharing this so honestly with us. The last time I dealt with a situation like this was about a year ago. I can tell you how I handled it, in just two words: Not Well. 🙁 First I felt hurt, then angry. I defended myself with words that, as you shared, will never go away. They were said (in print even!) and since then I’ve felt ashamed over the way I handled the situation. I’ve repented and I know I’ve been forgiven, but I still fight the guilty feelings that come to me when I have a quiet moment… the negative talk that goes on in my head telling me I’m the most awful person ever because I didn’t handle the problem the way God wanted me to.
    I think you’ve made a very wise move… reaching out to others for prayer instead of letting this situation take control of you.
    We know there’s a purpose for this situation… “And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.”‘ – Rom 8:28 Perhaps God will use this situation to mature you, or others around you (like us, your readers).
    You know the old saying, “sleep on it”? I say sleep on it and pray on it before making any moves.
    I’m sorry you’re dealing with so many things at once right now.
    Always remember that you are loved.
    Jan

  3. Stefanie Young Brown

    Mel,
    Thank you once again for your transparency. You pave the way for so many to be honest with themselves and with God.
    I am enjoying following you and reading what the Lord gives you to share.
    Have a blessed day!

  4. Mel, I hear you. I think of Romans 7:15 quite alot. I’m always doing things I don’t want to do:(
    So do we all. You have a great point when you say that we want our words to encourage…. instead of succumbing to all the nastiness out there. It is a form of temptation to use words of frivolity – and even scorn – rather than for edification. And I will pray that you remain steadfast in your desire to encourage and bless.

    I need to drop you an email regarding a different subject. If you’ll send your email to delramey@yahoo.com, I’d greatly appreciate it. Title it, “Need help?”

    Love and blessings,
    ~ Debra

  5. Wow Mel, what powerful and honest post.
    As you can see from your comments, you are not alone!
    Many in the family of God have had the same feelings, and I am one of them.

    Mel, when I am dealing with such a situation, just as you have said. I prayer, and
    I endeavour to pray strategically and specifically.

    I pray and draw from God, immediately the feeling surfaces; I try to not give the enemy a chance. I talk to God and say “ I cannot deal with this, please help me Lord… you said in Your Word…….etc ……and at this point I pray back to God any promises relevant to the situation. This is where we need to know the Word of God!

    It isn’t always easy, but it becomes easier each time, I employ this tactic, to overcome the plans of the enemy.

    God Bless you.
    Carole in The Faith Lounge

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