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Advice: My Sister Molested Me

Dear Mel:
I really want to talk to my sister, but my mom gets really angry at any mention of her because she molested me as a child. How can I bring the subject up to my mom without her getting angry? I have not seen or talked to my sister in over 9 years, and I really want to show her that what she did to me has not destroyed me but in fact made me stronger.
~Missing Sister~

Dear Missing Sister:
My first thought is that your mother is trying to protect you. If you are underage, you need to honor her decision. I would bring it up when things are calm and say something like, “Mom, I know you are worried about my sister hurting me again. Can we talk about why you are so scared for me to talk to her?” If you can find a way to be non-confrontational with your mom, she may open up about it.

Most professionals do not advocate victims confronting their abusers in any way. On very rare occasions it goes well. What would it feel like if your sister denies it or freaks out on you? She may become verbally or physically abusive. One of the best ways you can show your abuser that they may have hurt you but it won’t control you, is by living a good life and working hard to be successful. I would caution against seeking your sister out until you are a bit older. Keep praying about the situation. If the Lord wants you to go to your sister, He will continue to prompt you. I pray that you have or are moving in the direction of being able to forgive your sister so that you can be free from that bondage.

Dear Mel:
I have been struggling for a very long time with some unkind words that a counselor said to me several years ago and to this day her words pop in my head. Is there a scripture that may help me deal with these intruding thoughts so that I can help myself get over it and move forward? I am tired of being hurt by others’ words. It never used to bother me so much and I am having difficulty understanding why peoples’ words are hurting me so much now that I am in my 50’s. Thanks for any words of encouragement, direction, etc. God bless you and your outreach.
~Desperately Seeking Scripture~

Dear Desperately Seeking Scripture:
Yes! There are so many scriptures that speak directly to this very thing. When negative things start to run through my mind, I pray about it and then I start repeating scripture or singing a Christian song or hymn out loud. It takes practice to remember to do this but as time goes on, you will become quicker with this response. I applaud you for taking positive steps to combat that negative voice!

Here are a few scriptures I have memorized for this battle:

  • It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery.  Galatians 5:1
  • For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.  Jeremiah 29:11
  • I can do all this through him who gives me strength.  Philippians 4:13
  • The LORD appeared to us in the past, saying: “I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with loving-kindness. Jeremiah 31:3
  • Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable–if anything is excellent or praiseworthy–think about such things. Philippians 4:8
  • For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline. 2 Timothy 1:7

 

 

What advice would you give ‘Missing Sister’ and/or ‘Desperately Seeking Scripture? Share in the comments below!

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* Legal disclaimer: Dear Mel is not professional advice but for entertainment purposes only. Melinda Todd, nor her readers, is not legally liable for actions taken by participating parties. Professional help should always be sought. Dear Mel is opinion only. The advice is not legal, medical, or otherwise and is   to replace advice from a doctor, attorney, or other legal authority.


3 Comments

  1. Good advice. to missing sister, you don’t need to see your sister to prove to her that she didn’t break you. Just live a good life and keep going. I agree with Mel, she may abuse you further. Not worth that.

  2. I suggest talking to a therapist about this situation, missing sister. If you still feel you need to see your sister, the therapist can create a safer environment for that meeting and help you process what ever happens before and after.

  3. wow, great responses to those tough questions Mel. I can confirm the second answer you gave desperately seeking scripture. That’s what works, and it does take some time to develop a rapid response. It takes our will being active.

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