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Advice: My Dad Abused Me But I Still Miss Him

Dear Mel:
My dad abused me, yet I still love him and want to see him. I know that he would only use me again, but I feel so incomplete without him. Is what I am feeling wrong?
~Longing For A Father~

Dear Longing For A Father:

What you are feeling is normal and certainly not wrong. I understand this feeling all to well. It is so hard to desire that earthly father comfort and not be able to have access to it. As an adult, you have some control now and some choices. You need to decide how much you are able to risk. If he rejects you, verbally abuses, or anything else negative, can you handle that? Or will it damage you further?

Because you mentioned that he abused you and would use you again, it doesn’t sound like he’s changed or is willing to reconcile in a healthy way. Have you been in counseling and have you forgiven him?

Pray about this fervently and ask God to confirm what He wants you to do. If you decide to go see your Dad, don’t go alone. Go with someone who can steer the conversation and keep things on a healthy track and stop things if they get out of control. Your pastor may be a really good choice for this. You need someone your father will hopefully respect, so don’t take a girlfriend with you.

Please don’t go into this lightly. And do not go alone. Give it time, this feeling may pass. I know for me, there were times it was much stronger than others. You do have a father. One who is safe and loving. You can tell Him anything.

Here is an article I wrote about wanting for my Daddy earlier in my life. I Need A Daddy

Do you have advice for “Longing For A Father”? Please feel free to share in the comments below. Dear Mel is about community sharing their advice!

 A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in his holy dwelling. Psalm 68:5

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One Comment

  1. Good advice. If you think he will use you again, I’d say that is a pretty good indicator that you should stay away from him right now. People change but be very careful inviting him back into your life.

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