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Dear Mel Vol13

Dear Mel:
I was married as a young twenty year old. Two years into our marriage, my wife and I were in a car accident. She was left in a vegetative state. After two years of no progress, my inlaws encouraged me to divorce my wife and let them take over her care and to give me a chance at a more normal life. It was the hardest decision I’ve ever made. Now 15 years later, I am remarried and my wife and I currently started attending a new church. We love it. We have become actively involved and I was asked to consider a leadership role. That is until they found out I was divorced. Because of that, they see me as someone who can never hold a leadership role in the church. My first wife died 9 years ago. So if I had just waited, I’d be a widow and have been free to remarry and be able to be a leader in the church. I’m hurt and angry. My situation isn’t the normal divorce. Should we find another church? Is this the norm in churches? I’ve only been a believer for 3 years and I’m still new to this. Thanks for letting me get this off my chest.
~ Discarded by Divorce ~

Dear Discarded by Divorce:
First, let me say I am so sorry for the loss of your first wife and your dreams in that marriage. I cannot imagine the heartache. I’m not sure how other churches view this or handle it. I know for sure one church we attended did not allow divorcees to be deacons but I’m not sure if there were further limitations for them. Have you talked about this with your pastor? I’m so sorry for the pain this is causing you. I can see both sides of this. However, I wonder why some churches hold one sin higher than others? God’s word clearly discusses not getting a divorce but He also tells us not to lie or hate our enemy for example. If we held all sins to the same level, no one would be allowed to be a leader in the church. What about those who had premarital sex? The list could go on and on. If this is going to seriously effect your ability to participate and feel loved in this church, I would consider finding another home. But first, I suggest sitting down with your pastor and discussing this situation and how much it has hurt you.

Dear Mel:
I have been struggling to sleep for almost a month now, with no real breaks. The other night, I decided to try something different. I slept with one of my favorite childhood toys… A baby boy doll. Immediately my body calmed down and I fell almost right to sleep. Is this ok to do? I know that it is abnormal… Could this be a sign of something? I am unmarried and have no one of interest in my life, but I do wish that I could have kids. Does it mean anything?

Abnormal sleep company

Dear Abnormal Sleep Company:
I don’t think it’s a big deal to sleep with a childhood comfort. Have you tried to figure out why you are not sleeping? Is it due to worry or because of something you are eating or drinking before bed? If it is due to something going on in your life, I would suggest spending that awake time praying and perhaps opening your bible. Ask God to reveal what ever it is He wants to tell you and then pray for sleep and rest.

Dear Mel:
My abuser now has almost 2 kids of her own, one is two and one is on the way. I do not want to see the kids get abused as I have been. What can I do?

Scared to watch a repeat

Dear Scared to watch a repeat:
This is one I have struggled with as well with my abuser. Since I have never come to a good answer for this question myself, I am going to let my readers chime in. I pray that your abuser doesn’t continue with her own children.

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