Dear Mel Vol. 1

Dear Mel:
How do you forgive someone who just keeps hurting you over and over again?  I try but I feel like it’s hopeless and will never end.  I don’t want to live my life letting this person hurt me.
~ Punched in the Heart ~

Dear Punched in the Heart:
Forgiving someone repeatedly is hard.  Each situation is so different. How much time do you have to spend with this person? I know when it’s family, it puts a wrench in trying to avoid them. If it’s a friend you may be able to set up easier boundaries. Memorize verses on forgiveness. Pray about it. Limit the time you spend with this person. If this person is really unhealthy for you to be around, it’s okay to pull back and choose to keep them away from you and your family. Abuse is never acceptable.

Dear Mel:
My kids fight and argue all the time. It’s driving me crazy. I worry about them growing up hating each other. It makes me cry and it makes me angry. This is not how I imagined my family.
~ Sibling Rivalry Making Me Nuts! ~

Dear Sibling Rivalry:
I can relate.  My kids fight and argue a lot too. Who knows how to push your buttons better than a sibling? I don’t have a lot of advice so I’m going to let my readers chime in here. I will tell you that my brother and I were probably the worst siblings ever growing up :)  We were absolutely awful and hateful to each other. I now consider my brother a friend and though we probably still annoy each other, we don’t argue and enjoy spending time together.  I remind my kids that they are “best friends for life” and “friends come and go but family doesn’t” – Totally cliche but I hope it’s true.  Sibling rivalry isn’t new. Look in your bible. Cain and Able. Esau and Jacob.

Readers, now’s your chance to give advice and who doesn’t love to give advice? What would you say to Punched in the Heart or Sibling Rivalry?

Have a question or need advice?  Click here and fill out the anonymous form and ask away!  Maybe your question will be chosen next Thursday!

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3 Responses to Dear Mel Vol. 1

  1. julie says:

    hmm…what do i do when my kiddos fight? depending on the severity of the fighting, i may stay out of it and let them hash it out…or perhaps make them all clean, since they have so much extra energy…or, like i did tonight…i sent them all to their rooms. your kids will not hate each other when they grow up. my sister and i were horrible to each other growing up. we are as different as night and day, in every way possible. as adults, we have been able to find some common ground (at least a square foot of it) and love each other.

    • Melinda Todd says:

      That’s what I do too, send them to their rooms or make them clean. I’m not good at letting them keep fighting because I can’t handle the noise. I probably should go outside or something and tell them to work it out :)

  2. Shanyn says:

    Hurting you – we don’t have to let people hurt us. We can do a few things to stop the hurting. One is boundaries and distance – set up a safe emotional or physical distance from them for yourself. Allow them into your life only as needed and wanted, keep those boundaries sacred. They may fight it because they like the free access to hurting you. Another thing we can do is tell them their behaviour is not acceptable. We can teach people how to treat us, lovingly, by how we respond. Positive reinforcement can work wonders even on grown ups! Pray is the first thing we need to do though. Pray that God will show us the place this person has in our lives, and pray for them that they can see they are hurting someone in their lives. Praying for you.

    Sibling rivalry – I don’t have much to offer on this one except to encourage them to respect each other, don’t try to play fair by treating unequal people equally. Let them know their strengths and positive attributes. You could reward good behaviour to encourage them to treat each other better. A friend of mine, wise woman, has her fighting sibs spend their time outs facing each other. Then at the end they say or write one positive loving thing about their sibling. That silent time facing each other is a great time for a Mama to pray over her children quietly, and then encourage them to see the good in each other, and show respect.
    Shanyn recently posted..Heart’s overflow

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