I’ve read both of your books. I really enjoyed them both and your honesty. Sadly we share the same kind of history. I’ve seen you refer to your abuse as a blessing. I have so much rage and anger toward my abuser, I can’t imagine this. I want to move on with my life but there are days where I just cannot forgive. How do you do it? Do you ever wonder who you’d be if you hadn’t had this experience? I mourn my childhood. I mourn what could have been. I hope it’s okay to use your dear mel to ask these things. I’m really struggling.
~Struggling From Abuse~
This is the perfect place to ask your questions and thank you for doing so. Thank you for your kind words about my books. I so appreciate that and I am so encouraged that you are working on forgiving. That is an excellent start and I am so proud of you because I know how hard it is to face it.
As I say in my book, How I Forgave My Molester, it took me many, many years in order to get to a place of forgiveness. It didn’t happen over night. When I say my past is a blessing, what I mean by that is that what God has taught me and has done with my awful experience, is a blessing. I’m still floored by what He has done with my story.
This is not an easy road. I wish I could tell you it was but it’s just not. I had to choose to stand on God’s promise that He works all things for good. What satan intended for evil, God turned around and has done something awesome with. God gave me a voice and a platform to help others and satan hates it. He is going to challenge you because you want to heal. Satan will lie to you and taunt you with the fact that you’ll never get over it. You may never get over it but you can heal and you can forgive and get to a place where it’s not forever in the forefront of your mind.
I have mourned the loss of an innocent childhood. I’ve wondered who I’d be but the compassion it has instilled in me for other women isn’t something I’d give up. And I rest knowing that while this life is painful, someday we will be whole and pain free.
We need to be more gentle with ourselves. Forgiveness isn’t always about kicking something to the curb and never having to deal with it again. Jesus said we are to forgive 70×7 times. Forgiveness is a choice and you may have to do it again and again and again.
We can’t predict when a flashback will occur or when something will trigger a memory. And that can be really hard because we like closure as human beings. We want to shut the door and say, “Okay, I’m done with that. Let’s move on.” When we allow room for there to be days when we will have to choose to forgive again, we tend to beat ourselves up a little less for having to do this again.
Don’t give up. Know the road ahead is rough but so worth it. And by all means, mourn the loss of your childhood and who you may have become! Be angry! Just don’t get stuck in that place of mourning or anger because I truly believe God has something bigger for you! Keep praying and keep trusting Him to get you through this. If He did it for me, He will do it for you.
Please feel free to share your thoughts and experiences below in the comments. Dear Mel isn’t all about me, it’s about us as a community offering our advice to help someone!
*Dear Mel is an old column I used to write and no longer available to submit questions. You can always email me though!